Page 53 of Cross My Heart
“Come on, let's get this cleaned up, then I’ll let you in on a little secret,” I tell him as I move to throw the mess on the stove into the trash can. “Julia thinks chicken parmesan is my favorite because I always ordered it when I would go out to dinner with her and her parents. The truth is, it was usually the only thing on the menu I recognized. The places her parents would take us to were nicer than anywhere I had ever been to. The chicken parmesan was also usually the cheapest. I always tried to get plain pasta, but Mimi insisted I needed some protein.” I shrug, “so I picked chicken parmesan, never wanting to rock the boat or embarrass them.”
“From my time with the McDowell’s, I don’t think they would have cared. Did you ever tell them?” Dex questions.
“Gosh, no! Mimi would kill me. When you grow up poor the way I did, you just kind of learn how to blend in, not make a scene. I loved them so much even when I was young, I was always afraid they would stop taking me in,” I say with a shrug.
“Can I ask you something?” He seems a little hesitant.
“Dex, you can always ask, doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” I give him a sassy smile.
“Why social work? I saw your grades, you’re brilliant. Something must have made you choose such an emotional profession.” His question is innocent, but I need a moment to answer.
Turning my back to him as I wipe down the counters, I collect myself. When I speak, I know he must be struggling to hear me. He moves behind me but makes no move to touch me.
“My mother was an alcoholic. She wasn't always abusive, but when she was, she was smart about it. Her favorite punishment was always verbal. It took a long time and a lot of coaxing from Mimi for me to even begin to understand my worth. I think I chose social work so I could do better than all the ones that couldn’t help me. Mimi always took me in, no questions asked. When my mother would be on a bender or with another new boyfriend, I could always seek refuge with the McDowell’s. I think that’s the only reason my mother never tried to move me to another town. Whenever she got tired of me, she knew Mimi and Pawpaw would take me until she needed me for something again.”
He doesn’t say anything for a beat. A moment later, he takes my hand in his and leads me through the kitchen to the family room. The mess he created, forgotten. He sits me on the couch. “I’m going to grab us some wine and crackers since I messed up dinner. Get comfortable, I’ll be right back.”
I settle into the couch. It doesn’t seem like Dexter.I wonder who picked it out?It’s large, leather with those brass tacks running all along the seams. It’s the only piece of furniture that doesn’t fit with the rest of the house. He did an excellent job making a massive property feel like a home. I’m running my hand along the leather when Dex returns.
“It doesn’t fit here, does it?” He asks, watching my hand caress the leather.
“How did you know what I was thinking?” I try hard not to laugh.
“I think that every time I walk in here.” He hands me a glass of wine and takes a seat next to me. “I bought it after Anna left. She would have hated it, which made me love it even more.” He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. He scrubs a hand over his face and leans back into the couch.
“Short version of where Anna went?” I ask before suddenly feeling bad. “Dex, you don’t have to, I shouldn’t have asked,” I tell him.
He stares straight ahead, not acknowledging my comment. “About a month after we found out she was pregnant with the girls, my dad was in an accident. It was a drunk driver—they say he never felt a thing.” He swallows, once, twice, three times before continuing. “I had him on life support, but after two weeks with no brain activity, the doctors said I was only delaying the inevitable. All the guys were with me when I had to pull the plug. Until that moment, that was the worst day of my life. If I had only known it was going to get so much worse.” He takes a long drink of wine, encouraging me to eat a few crackers and some cheese before he continues.
“I got home that afternoon, Trevor wanted to come with me, but Anna never liked any of my friends. I got home as a man was walking out. I didn’t really think much of it at the time. I went to her, needing some comfort, but she was more distant than normal, even for her. She said she was sorry about my dad at the same time she handed me divorce papers. She left that day with the man waiting on the road. I only saw her the day she gave birth after that. I gave her a check; she gave me all parental rights. End of story. I’m not sure why she showed up here after a year, but I am sorry for what she did to you. I’ll fix that, I promise.”
I’m numb. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but that definitely wasn’t it. Setting my wine on the coffee table, I slide in next to him and rest my head on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry about your dad.” He wraps his arm around me and I melt into him. “Were you close to him?”
“I was. It was always just dad and me. My mom left when I was 5. I’ve never seen her again. It’s probably why I was so angry at Anna, we met in high school. She knew all about my mom, and she did the same thing to Tate. I can never forgive her for that.”
“I don’t blame you. I can’t imagine having such a fantastic child and walking away. How can she take that for granted when people like me will never have the chance?”
Dex
Chapter 23
Lanie immediately tenses and tries to slide away from me.I hold her tighter. “Lanie, please. Don’t pull away. You don’t have to talk, but please don’t pull away.”
She is frozen for a few minutes before she melts back into my side. We stay like this until our wine is gone. We sit in silence, both so deep in our own heads, I almost don’t hear her when she speaks. “I’ve told you I’m damaged. I-I…” she starts and stops multiple times. “Dexter, I was attacked.” She cries silently in my arms.
“Lanie, shhh, baby. Don’t cry. I know.” I swallow thickly as my own tears fall, I’m not sure if she will be relieved that she doesn’t have to say it out loud or pissed that I went behind her back. Either way, I owe her the truth, the kindness of not making her re-live such a despicable act.
“I know about your attack. I know all about your injuries. I know how strong you are. I know you protected Max by enduring every abuse imaginable. I know that you have come out of it even more beautiful than you were before,” I tell her, meaning it with my whole heart.
She hit her breaking point. Lanie’s sobs are deep, painful, full-bodied ones. It makes me wonder if she has ever allowed herself this. It makes me realize, no matter where this goes, I will be here to hold her for as long as she lets me.
* * *
The sun breaksthrough the drapes. I’ve angled Lanie so she is laying across me, hoping she will be more comfortable that way.
She explained how her attacker thought she was his wife, who was pregnant with another man's baby because he was so high and drunk he couldn’t see straight. Once he knocked her unconscious, he tried to cut the non-existent baby out of her. After explaining she would never be able to carry a child, Lanie cried herself to sleep.
