Page 46 of Cross My Heart
I go into the bathroom to get ready for bed, not that I'll be sleeping. I get ready anyway and then settle into a chair that sits against the wall I share with Lanie to sit vigil.
My head bobs, alerting me that I’m almost asleep, but not quite. Rubbing a hand over my face, I sit up taller, searching for the clock. Lanie stopped pacing a couple of hours ago. It’s probably time to check on her.
There is no way to do this without feeling like a complete ass. Trust me. I’ve tried to think of any scenario where I’m not some creeper watching her sleep; I found none. Now, I’m standing in the hall, ready to peek around her door like a peeping tom.
Julia said I have to do this. Yeah, I’ll just blame it on Julia if Lanie wakes and freaks the fuck out. Pep talk complete, I take the final step into Lanie’s doorway.
At first look, I’d think she was sleeping, but there is something about her face. It’s contorted in pain. I take a step closer and my stomach wretches. Tears stream down her face. Slowly, she is rocking side to side, reliving the most devastating moment of her life.
“Lanie.” I cry out desperately, “It’s me, Dex. You’re having a nightmare; you have to wake up. You’re at my house, and you’re safe, but you have to wake up.”
I get no reaction, so I take a step closer. Her pain is so visceral I’m having a hard time not breaking down myself.Knowing Julia said not to touch her, I raise my voice. “Lanie. Lanie, it’s me, Dex. Wake up for me, Lanie, Wake up right now. You’re safe.”
Sucking in the air like it might be her last breath, Lanie jolts up in bed. Her eyes are unfocused, I’m out of my element. Julia didn’t say what to do now.
“Lanie?” I question quietly.
She turns her head, but I don’t think she is seeing me.
“Lanie, it’s me, Dex. You had a bad dream. You’re in my house, you’re safe.”
Her eyes are wild, but slowly coming into focus when she bursts into tears. “I’m safe. I’m here, not at Zachary’s. He can’t get me here.” She repeats, gasping for air over and over again while cradling her midsection.
I don’t think I have ever witnessed something so gut-wrenching. “Lanie,” I say again, cautiously. “I’m going to walk towards you now. I’m going to sit next to you on the bed. If you don’t want me to just say no, and I won’t move.”
She doesn’t respond, so I walk ever so slowly to her and sit on the bed where she flings herself into my arms. “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Dex. I’m so, so sorry. Did I break something or-or wake up the kids?”
Putting my hand on her head and patting her hair down, I try to comfort her. “Shh, Lanie. Shh. You didn’t do anything.”
On a hiccup, she says, “H-how, did you know?”
I give her a sad smile. “I told you my trip to Vermont was enlightening.”
She cries harder. “Oh my God, you must think I’m crazy. I swear, though, it usually only happens when the lights go out, and when you were in London, I slept with a flashlight on,” Lanie tries to hide her face, “I’m so embarrassed.”
Grabbing her chin, I lift her face to me, “You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Lanie. I’m glad I can be here for you. I want to be here for you. Julia told me how to wake you up, but she didn’t tell me how to comfort you now.”
“That witch! Whose side is she on anyway?” Lanie says through her tears.
“Lanie, I’d say that the entire family is on your side, always. She was worried about you, sweetheart.” The endearment slips off my tongue and feels so right. Lanie blushes, but I don’t back down. “Tell me, sweetheart, what usually happens now that you’re awake?”
She tries to pull away, but I keep her locked firmly in my arms. Turning her face from me is as much as I’m willing to give right now.
“I-it’s stupid, really. Julia normally climbs into bed with me. We’ve done it since we were little. She used to say body heat keeps the monsters away. B-but I will be fine, honestly, Dex. You can go back to your room, I’ll be fine.”
I peer down at myself, dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt, I can feel her start to shake again. Julia is no doubt going to have my balls for this, but there is no way I can leave her alone and frightened. Sleeping with the lights on is not a habit of mine, so I kiss her head gently and move to stand. Before I can walk away, she is clutching my hand in her cold, shaking one.
“Hey, Lanie. Look at me,” I plead.
She sniffles but doesn’t raise her head.
I crouch down on my hind legs in front of her, pulling both her hands into mine. “I’m not going to leave you. I just have to grab something. I’ll be right back.”
Lanie’s eyes finally find mine. The same bright blue, but tonight they are haunted.Hollow. Terrified. I feel her pain like it is my own and it is devastating. Giving her one last squeeze of my hands, I enter her bathroom. As I had promised, I bought out the drug store so I know she has a bright pink sleep mask in here somewhere. It only takes a moment to locate it since almost everything is still in the bag.Stubborn woman, I think to myself.
With the item in hand, I walk to the opposite side of the bed. Lanie has scooted herself up to rest against the headboard and is watching me like a hawk. Without preamble, I make my way to the bed, making my intentions known.
“Dex. Y-you really don’t have to do this. I promise I’ll be fine, I’ll just read a little,” she tries.
