Page 90 of Beach Cottage Kisses
Somehow, she had to figure out how to get that back before she left. If she kept leaving herself behind, there’d be nothing left.
“‘We aren’t casual friends’? I’m not sure what to do with that statement.” Scott’s fingers had stilled in her hair. She’d been concentrating on the movement to still her panic.
“We said we’d be honest, but we were both lying,” she said, afraid to speak. And not to. At least if they ended things before they got too messy, before they ended up hurting each other, they could still be friends.
The thought of losing Scott’s friendship was suffocating her.
Utter stillness encompassed them. Neither moving, except to breathe. As though, the slightest adjustment of an arm, a hand, could break them. “How so?” His tone sounded more conversational than fully engaged.
“We kept calling each other casual friends, but we haven’t been that in a long time,” she told him. “Just the way we both reacted after the night of Sage’s wedding…both stricken at the thought that we’d ruined our friendship. If we’d just been casually relating, neither of us would have been so bothered by the idea of losing the other.”
Funny how truths presented themselves. Not all at once. When one could make appropriate lifelong decisions. But one at a time. In their own time.
“You make a good point.”
Iris didn’t even take a breath before she said, “Okay, counselor, please approach the bench. We need private talk here, not courtroom correctness.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I don’twantyou to say anything. Or rather, I do want you to say something, but not what you think I want to hear. I need truth, Scott.”
“I’ve never lied to you.” He didn’t push her away. But she could feel his growing distance as though he had. And wondered how they’d ever thought they could pull off the life they’d set for themselves.
And yet…she didn’t want to go back, either. Didn’t want to just see Scott Martin on the beach sometimes. She wanted to know that he’d be there, somewhere, anywhere, if she wanted to talk to him. Wanted him to want to seek her out, too. Just because he wanted to hear her voice.
Which was all so confusing.
As she lay there, with anguish building inside her, she had to stop. To calm herself. And felt the warmth of his chest beneath her cheek. He wasn’t denying her that.
He hadn’t actually denied her anything she wanted.
So why had things gotten off track all of a sudden? Why was she dealing with problems before they arose? Who cared if they used the wordcasualto describe themselves? If it worked for both of them, then why ruin a good thing? A great thing?
The best thing she’d had since Ivy died.
Since she’d quit dreaming about the future. Making plans for the life she wanted to live.
“I used to say I was going to have four kids.” She dropped the words quietly. He’d asked about kids. She’d freaked out. And had been ready to throw away something vital to her.In that moment. In that phase of her life. For as long as it lasted. Scott was vital.
The truth hit. She accepted it without panic. He was vital for the moment.
His fingers picked up a strand of her hair. Threaded through it. Delightful, yet comforting, chills ran through her. The kind she got when she first sank into a hot bubble bath.
“Why four?”
“One for each hand.” The answer was just there. As though she’d never forgotten she’d once had the plans.
“You were planning to have four hands?”
She nudged his side with the elbow she was lying on. “It takes two people to make babies,” she reminded him.
She’d been talking about the past. He knew that she’d changed since then. Wasn’t planning on being part of a couple.
Except, for the moment, shewaspart of one.
Just for the moment.
Chapter Twenty-Two
