Page 83 of Her Christmas Wish
While she’d been trying to hold together pieces of her heart and fighting anxiety as she’d tried to figure out, overnight, what her life was going to look like.
As she remembered back, the sympathetic looks and comments she’d received, even months later, had been unbearable. People had meant well, but their pity...had weakened her. Set her back notches in her growth.
It had held her in a place she hadn’t wanted to be.
So...no chance for sympathy on the current time around. Most particularly not with Gray moving onto Ocean Breeze.
And with Leigh in the picture.
She loved them both so much. And if having Leigh in her home, raising her alone, with Gray on the outskirts of their family life, was what the future held—she was good with that.
Genuinely and sincerely.
As badly as she needed Leigh happy, she needed Gray happy, too. She loved him. The man he was, not the man he’d seemed to think he had to be for her.
Something that had been true back then, but that maybe ten years of maturity, and actually being a mother rather than dreaming about it, had shown her more clearly.
If Gray had been able to be completely open with her in the past, things might have been different. At the very least, any breakup would have been a mutual thing.
None of which mattered, she reminded herself—firmly—as she poured glasses of iced sweet tea and set them on coasters on side tables in the living room. Next to two chairs that faced the couch.
Getting through the next minutes with Gray believing she was just fine...that was the goal. No pity. The goal.
Being able to build a healthy life on the beach with Gray joining their close-knit group—that mattered.
As did having him in her life.
Truth be told, that mattered most.
She was watching for his approach. Stood inside, sliding open the glass door as he stepped up onto the porch. Inviting him in.
Leaving him little option was more like it.
And led him straight to the chairs in the living room. No couch. No even getting close to the hallway where her bedroom could be found.
No attraction. No tears.
Absolutely no regrets for what could have been.
Just friends.
In another pair of the cotton pants he seemed to prefer, with a light-colored, long-sleeved button-down shirt hanging loosely over them, Gray didn’t touch his tea. Or sit.
He stood over her and said, “You know.”
Sitting there with her tea glass held between her hands on her lap, the sweat getting her jeans a little damp, she forced herself to hold his gaze, and nod. Then smile. “I’m not.”
She braced for the relief, the overjoyed light to shine from his eyes. Focused on keeping the smile pasted on her lips.
It was for the best. She knew that. Had been praying that she wasn’t.
Just her heart...it had been sabotaging her all week. Hoping...
Figuring that it would all work out. Her with two children, giving birth to Gray’s child as she’d always dreamed of doing, with Scott as the father figure, and Gray a close friend right down the street.
Unconventional, sure, but so what? If it worked for them and the children grew up safe and secure, loved and happy and healthy...
Her spray of thoughts halted as she realized Gray wasn’t shining joy all over her.
