Page 81 of Her Christmas Wish
Leaving him to ruminate on things in a way he never had before. Was she scared? She’d be happy if she was, right? Having a baby was the one thing she’d always wanted most. Two would be twice the happiness, right?
And twice the work.
Was she praying she wasn’t? Was that why she didn’t talk about it? She was in denial. Telling herself not to worry. Unless she found out otherwise, there was no pregnancy.
If she’d just said something, anything, to clue him in to her state of mind, maybe he wouldn’t have spent so much time on the topic. He’d never been good with the not knowing. Get all the facts. Weigh them. Make the decision.
He’d learned practicality in the cradle. For necessities, you found a way to provide. And you moved on from the wants you didn’t need.
Pay the bills you had to pay, eat whatever you could afford after that. Even if it was oatmeal three meals in a row because all it took was oats and water.
Find out if you got the woman you’d once loved to distraction pregnant, and if you had, then figure out how you were going to live with yourself for the rest of your life.
As the week passed, he was slowly starting to see a picture gelling on that one. He’d be living down the road. Not in the house.
No way he’d be the main source of example, or the one a child looked to for early-development security. Although, he knew a lot about not having that. Knew what the child would need. Might not be a bad thing to be close, just to help Sage in case something came up in that area.
Give his advice. His point of view.
Still, living down the street...he’d have a step back. A step out. Precluding the need to worry about forming resentments that others could sense.
Like little Leigh. He’d rather die than have her ever think he resented a second of her sweet spirit filling the air around him.
His problem in the past, with his mother and grandmother, had been that he had no way out. Though, thinking back, he was sure, even if he had, he wouldn’t have taken it. He’d been where he belonged.
And the cottage at the end of the road...that night he’d found out that Sage hadn’t been on birth control, when his life had been careening out of control, he’d been unable to sleep, had walked down the beach to the cottage, slid to the ground, leaned against the broken-down building...he’d found home. A sense of peace he wasn’t sure he’d ever had.
In the midst of the worst storm in his adult life.
Facing his worst nightmare. Possibly being a father.
He’d put his head back, listened to the waves and had actually fallen asleep. Waking hours later as dawn was breaking.
He’d made the offer on the place as soon as he’d had Sage’s blessing.
All the Ocean Breeze residents had been notified and all seemed genuinely glad to have him join them. He’d received an official invitation to the Thanksgiving gathering on the beach. And a flyer telling him about the holiday lights that went up right afterward. Apparently, Ocean Breeze was known throughout Southern California for the beach light display that could only be seen by those living in the private neighborhood, or by boat. The sheet warned of the hundreds of boats that would be appearing in their waters, outside their reef, every weekend during the holiday season.
He’d never done holiday lights in his life.
Was on the end of the beach where it wouldn’t matter much if he didn’t shine as bright.
He’d figure something out.
Most of his time on the beach that week had been spent being joined by different clusters of neighbors, welcoming him to the neighborhood.
Wanting to join his water rescue class.
Asking him when he was getting a dog.
His usual answer, that he had an entire practice filled with dogs who needed him, worked long hours and lived alone, had sounded a bit weak to the Ocean Breeze residents. At least in his own ears.
All the Ocean Breeze residents were single professionals. The majority had dogs. But not Sage.
She had the only child on Ocean Breeze.
Class on Saturday morning had two new students, and several of the dogs were already running into the water on command to get a treat. He’d had it easy for the beginning steps. All of the dogs on Ocean Breeze were already used to the water and were comfortable in it. And all the ones in the class already responded immediately to basic commands. That had been a prerequisite for joining the class.
Standing in the wet sand after the session, talking to his students’ owners, Gray laid out a brief overview of their goals. Next step would be to play games with the dogs while in the water, building up to retrieving a toy for a treat. And later, retrieving it off a boat. Progressing from there to bigger object retrievals, and then a person floundering in the water. Owners would have to work with dogs one-on-one. And Gray would have private sessions with all the dogs who showed proficiency for actual rescue operations when they got to the more advanced stages of training. The dogs would be expected to work with distractions going on, to learn to ignore the distractions.
