Page 7 of Sapphires and Snakes
“Not physically.” I pull out the many bobby pins in my hair, finger-combing it to get the worst of the tangles out.
“Emotionally?” she prompts.
“Rattled.”
She hums in acknowledgment. “You did amazing.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry you had to.”
“Me, too.” My chin trembles before I stop it.
She presses a kiss to my shoulder blade. “Will you forgive me?”
“For what?”
Her face is still buried out of sight, forehead pressed to my scapula. “Allowing it to happen.”
I turn in my dress, the buttons undone and the fabric falling away to the floor. I step out of the bodice, wearing only shape-wear, and take Tamayo’s face in my hands. Her gaze is pained, but she meets mine without balking.
I speak slowly, clearly, because I need her to understand. “You are not responsible for what he did.”
She wrinkles her nose. “But I provided an opportunity.”
“No, my parents did.” There’s a hitch in my throat that I refuse to acknowledge. “On purpose.”
“You were alone.” She wraps her hands around my wrists, her eyes dipping to my jaw, my neck, where I know there are red marks as angry as the fingers that made them.
“It was my fault I was alone, not yours.” I swipe my thumb over her cheekbone, over the mole under her eye, like I’m catching starlight. “I told Pat to wait at the door while I spoke with my mother.”
“Who was meant to get you alone for Marcus to make a move,” she grumble-pouts.
“Yes,” I say. Tamayo’s too cute not to smile at, but it’s pained. My own parents. Their betrayal cuts the deepest. More than the arranged marriage, more than the years of patriarchal oppression. My own mother was willing to do whatever it took, allow whatever was needed, to get me to that altar tonight. And Father sat back and let it happen.
I never thought they’d go this far. I always thought… But the gnashing teeth inside me bite down on that track, cutting it off before I can finish and the pain of it can pierce too deep.
Tamayo’s grip tightens around my wrists, as if calling me out of my head and away from my demons. “I’m sorry, princess.”
“Stop apologizing for things you’re not accountable for.” I gently smack her cheek.
The ghost of a grin twitches over her lips at that. “I’m not apologizing for the actions, rather the consequences. You deserve better.”
I blink at her, uncertain I believe her. My hands drop, and I frown at the dip of her collarbone.
Tamayo lifts my chin with gentle fingers. “You do. You know that right?”
I don’t. “Like you know it’s not yours to apologize for?”
“Touché.” She swallows and steps backward toward the door with a resetting breath. “I’ll let you shower.”
“Join me?” The words are out of my mouth before I can overthink them. But the silence that follows leaves so much space that my anxiety rushes in to fill it. I’m doing it again, turning to Tamayo when everything’s more fucked up than I thought it could be. When I should be regrouping to focus on the reason I’m even here.
But the truth is, if she leaves me alone right now, the dam inside me will crumble to dust, and I don’t know if I can rebuild it myself. Not tonight.
Tamayo clears her throat. “We don’t have to—this wasn’t a ploy to?—”
“I know that.” I rub my lips together. “Tamayo, you’re one of the only people in my life who has ever—and I meanever—cared about my consent and autonomy. You might make a mistake, but you take responsibility and youtry to be better.”
