Page 45 of Finally Forever
18
Ainsley
I pull the blanket over me from the end of the bed and wait for Sebastian to emerge from the bathroom. Sadness threatens to seep into my bones. I refuse to pay it attention. It won’t help my—our—situation.
Something caused Sebastian to leave me the way he did. An emotion? A memory?
To this Sebastian, emotions are scary. He never had them before me—not real emotions.
I should be angry for what he just did. He used me and my body for sexual satisfaction. I should feel cheap, but I don’t. I’m disappointed with how he left, but he didn’t take advantage of me. I offered myself, and I can’t say it wasn’t worth it.
In the beginning of our relationship, Sebastian was careful. I’d heard stories about his past sex life and worried if I’d be enough, but it was never an issue. He seemed satisfied. As our relationship progressed, we experimented in the bedroom and outside the bedroom. The most we did in terms of kink was that video and when he blindfolded me. It was my idea. I read it in a romance novel and wanted to try it. Sebastian was happy to oblige, but he was always loving. This was raw. He was more controlling, rougher, and I liked it.
I loved it. Orgasming with Sebastian has never been a problem, but this orgasm took me to a new place. We didn’t even have sex, and I still felt like I left the atmosphere and danced in space before coming back down to earth.
My only regrets are that we didn’t have sex and that I couldn’t see him. We’ve always had an amazing connection through our eyes. If this Sebastian likes to blindfold me, I won’t complain as long as I keep getting those orgasms.
A sad thought occurs to me, and I gasp. What if we don’t ever do this again? What if he didn’t like it and that’s why he left? No. He loved it. He came hard in my mouth like he’s always done. Well, not always. We had to work up to me being able to swallow. My first blow job with Sebastian was a disaster. I gagged and spit his cum back on him. He was cool, but I made it my mission to become great at pleasing him despite his insistence that I already do. And I became great. I am great at BJs. Obviously. He can’t deny that. Not that my oral skills helped him remember me. Instead, he took off, which tells me he felt something. What? I don’t know.
The water turns off in the shower. I roll toward the door, the blanket covering my nakedness, and wait for Sebastian to exit. We have no clean clothes. Our luggage is somewhere in this house.
Sebastian emerges from the steamy bathroom dressed in a white robe. He doesn’t look at me. A knock sounds on the door as he walks toward it.
I stiffen, my gaze locked on Sebastian. “Who’s here?”
“Xavier. He brought our luggage.”
“Oh. Good.” I climb out of the bed, wrapping the blanket around my body.
Sebastian glances over and takes me in from head to toe. His jaw tightens, and he looks away before removing his phone from his pocket and typing. His phone dings with a text. He stuffs it in his pocket and opens the door. No one is there, just our luggage.
He rolls mine into the room. “You can stay in here. I’ll take the room across the hall.”
He’s leaving? I shuffle forward. “Are you sure? You can have the big room. I don’t mind.” I wish we were sharing a bedroom, but we aren’t there yet. Sadly.
“You’re already here.”
“So are you.”
“It’s fine.” He rolls his luggage into the hallway and closes the door behind him. Gone again. I liked it better when he only disappeared into the en suite bathroom.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish our sexual encounter brought us closer together. I’ve never been with Sebastian when he didn’t care for me. Even when a future seemed hopeless, I could tell how much he wanted me. Now, I don’t know where I stand with him. He’s so guarded, like an iceberg floating away from me.
I swallow the ball of emotions caught in my throat. If I start crying now, I might not be able to stop. I have to stay strong. I can.
Nathan arrives tomorrow. Maybe his presence will help. Last I saw him, we weren’t on good terms. Harper had something to do with it. Hopefully, he feels differently now and will be in agreement that Sebastian belongs with me and should try to do whatever he can to remember us and the man he became throughout our relationship.
I shower in the generous-sized bathroom where slate tile covers almost every surface. Washing my hair isn’t the plan, but the hot water feels so good, I can’t resist letting it slide over every inch of my body. When I’m done, I blow dry my long hair into soft waves and dress in thick leggings and an off-the-shoulder sweatshirt. Sebastian and I didn’t explore the house, and I still want to.
Refreshed and recharged, I skip from the room, happier than I’ve been since this ordeal started. Could be from the orgasm or how I got to touch and be close to Sebastian.
The second floor reveals multiple bedrooms, and the hallway is much longer than I imagined. The house seems even bigger than it looks from the outside. I find a second set of stairs and take them down to an indoor pool. Lush plants and palm trees grow through planter beds carved out of flagstone that covers the floors. Large windows make up the walls and ceiling, and a device appears to retract the glass panels above. For the summer months? Does it warm up enough here for that?
I know little about Montana. The views draw you in with their natural beauty. I snap a few pictures and record some videos on my phone. I don’t know how long we’ll be here or if I’ll ever visit again. The uncertainty of my future wallops me like a fallen tree branch. What if Sebastian doesn’t get his memories back? What will that mean for us?
I don’t want to answer that question.
My phone chimes with a text.
