Page 85 of Finally Forever
His brows lower in question.
“Nathan and Riley leave tonight. You haven’t told me anything about our next move, what your plan is, where we’re going, for how long, if I’m coming with you.” My eyes close as another tear slips down my cheek.
“Fuck,” he groans in pain. “I have plans for us. You just have to trust me. Can you do that?”
I peer up through my wet lashes at him. “I’ve always trusted you.”
He nods, not in agreement but acknowledging that fact, and holds my gaze, his thumb brushing my jawline. His beautiful gaze fills with more of that torment. At least it’s no longer devoid of emotion toward me.
Those brown-with-blue-starbursts irises focus on my lips, and his thumb sweeps across my bottom one. He cups my cheek with his other hand and bends to kiss me, to my surprise. He only kisses me when he wants sex, which he can’t possibly want while we’re outside in the cold.
His warm lips mold to mine in a reverent way that steals my breath. I open for him, and his tongue meets mine with gentle swirls I feel in every cell of my body. This kiss isn’t hurried, or lust driven. Emotions lie inside it, sentiments he hasn’t shown me since he lost his memories. I want to wrap my arms around his neck and mold our bodies together, but I’m afraid I’ll jinx the moment, so I stand there, letting him lead.
He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and moves his hand to my hair as he cups the back of my head.
I sigh into his mouth.
A whispered chuckle escapes him, and I feel his smile against my lips. His head touches my forehead, and his hands shift to cup my cheeks again. “You’ve left a mark on my soul. I won’t forget that.”
The compliment, though earnest and sweet, doesn’t warm my insides. Something about his tone sounds like a goodbye.
I clutch his jacket, desperation piercing my heart like a hundred needles. “Are you leaving me?”
For several long moments, he doesn’t speak. Anguish radiates from his eyes.
A silent sob wracks my body, those needles multiplying into thousands. I step back and sniffle, my brain struggling to accept this is real. I want to ask,When did you decide this? When are you leaving? Where are you going? Will I see you again?But hurt keeps me from finding my voice. My worst nightmare has come true. Despite my efforts, my patience and understanding, my hope, the progress I thought we were making.
“You have to trust me, Ainsley.” The whispered words hold a mountain of sincerity.
I shake my head, my vision blurry from my tears. Finally, I find my voice. “To do what? Decide our future? To give up?” More shaking of my head.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I don’t want to hear what he has to say. I can’t, not when my world is shattering around me.
I run inside and up the stairs to my room—ourroom—locking the door and sliding down it to cry on the floor in a ball.
I let my emotions pour from me, allowing the pain to consume me like a tidal wave, rolling over me again and again until my throat dries, and my muscles give into exhaustion.
I don’t know how much time passes as I lie on the floor and cry, only that Sebastian doesn’t come to make things better.
I use my hands to push myself up and lean my back against the door. My cheeks feel tight from dried snot and tears, and my mouth begs for water. I force myself to the bathroom, where I wash my face and drink from the faucet.
After patting myself dry with a towel, I take in my red swollen eyes and blotchy face. If I go greet anyone like this, they’ll know I was crying. They’ll ask questions. Kensington will demand answers. She’s such a strong, fierce woman. How would she handle this situation? Probably by tying Nathan to the bed.
But I’m not about to force Sebastian to stay. It wouldn’t work. He’d find a way to escape. For him to admit he’s leaving means he’s had a plan for a while now. I know him well enough to know that. Tying him to the bed would do nothing to stop him. Besides, why try to make someone stay when they’ve already chosen to leave? Doing so will only prolong the inevitable. He’s decided. He didn’t talk to me about it. He chose our fate for me.
Selfish ass. I hate him. But I love him so much, too. Gah! I cover my face as tears miraculously form in my eyes. Shouldn’t I be as dry as a desert?
The question is what to do now? Tell on him? Nathan could try to stop him. Xavier too. Maybe. I gasp. Or do they know he’s leaving already and I’m the lone wolf left out in the cold? Another thought occurs, and that sickens my stomach. What if they all know?
No. Kensie would have told me, which means Nathan doesn’t know, because he would have told her. She said they don’t have secrets after what they went through with Harper and her lying.
I rest my hands on the counter near the sink. What do I do? What should I do?
I can’t stay in the room all day, that’s for sure. Nathan, Kensie, and Riley will expect some form of goodbye. It would be rude not to see them before they leave, but can I do it without breaking down? Can I play the part as well as Sebastian does, acting as if nothing is wrong, as if we’re moving forward, as if he’s starting to care, when really, he’s lying to everyone’s face?
Anger rears up in me, and I scream, snatching the small dish of decorative soaps and throwing it across the room. It hits the tile wall. The ceramic shatters loudly as the pieces fall into the tub with more clanking.
Guilt stabs at me for breaking something that doesn’t belong to me. Not that the owner of this home will care. The actor clearly doesn’t lack financially. He could buy a dozen more easily. Maybe he won’t even notice.
