Page 71 of Losing Forever
Panic slams into me. What room am I in? What bed?
I stiffen and open my eyes. To my surprise and relief, we’re in the guest room. It’s the only one downstairs. Grayson must have brought me here after I fell asleep on his lap.
Had he brought me to my room or my parents’, I would have leapt from the bed. He wouldn’t have chosen Elijah’s. The mattress is a single and the boyish décor would have given it away, deep blues with pictures of whales surfacing in the Pacific. Elijah loved watching for the giant blue mammals from Dad’s boat or the shore of Ruby Beach.
Last I was here, his pillow still smelled like him. His clothes did, too. Mom and Dad’s room and bed were the same. Their scents were so real, if I closed my eyes, I could pretend they were still alive. What if it’s all gone, replaced with the same staleness that greeted me when I entered the house?
I don’t know how I’ll react to that loss. That’s why I haven’t ventured into their rooms yet. As for my room, it’s reminiscent of a different life and a different me. Memories of the past show in the knickknacks, wall décor, and the bedding. I left that girl behind when I left here with Aunt Lina. How will I feel standing among my old things after so much time?
My muscles clench tight with my stressful thoughts. I can’t start the morning with a panic attack. I’ll never get through the day.
Grayson’s big body moves behind me. His arm tightens over my waist and he kisses my hair. “Morning,” he grumbles, his voice raspy from sleep and incredibly sexy.
“Morning.” I wiggle closer to him and lose myself in the moment, which is far better than my thoughts.
“How did you sleep?”
“Good,” I say with surprise. “Either I was exhausted, or you have a sedative effect on me.”
He chuckles and speaks into my hair. “Youwereexhausted, and I only have a sedative effect on women after I’ve sated them.”
His responses are always centered around sex. That part I don’t mind. The other women part bothers me. Of course, he promised no romantic talk or compliments. We need to keep this only sexual for two reasons. One, I can’t risk falling for him, which he doesn’t make easy. And two, he can’t see himself in a long-term relationship.
I get it. People have broken his trust and left him at a time when he needed support. His father betrayed him by breaking the law and getting himself locked up in jail. His mom, the person who’s supposed to adore you no matter what, walked out of his life. His girlfriend, no matter how superficial the relationship, dumped him because of his dad’s arrest. He threw away the career he’d worked for his whole life and started over with Noah in Clearwater. In some ways, our lives are so similar it’s scary.
Maybe that’s why we’re drawn to each other. Well, that and the physical attraction we both can’t seem to ignore.
Grayson taps my head. “What are you thinking about in there?”
“How do you know I’m thinking? I could have fallen back asleep.”
“For starters, your eyes are open. But even if they weren’t, I’d know because your muscles are tense, and you fidget when you think.”
“No one’s ever told me that before.” I relax against him.
“I pay attention. Like now, your body feels soft again.” He slides his fingers down my thigh and back up. “I like it soft.”
“Mmm.” I purr and wiggle my butt near his erection. Probably just morning wood, but I’ll take it. “I want to start the day off on a happy note.”
“Is happy code for sexual?” He nuzzles his nose in the crook of my neck.
“Right now? Yes.”
“Then I can promise a very happy note. Now, get up.” He smacks my ass.
“What?” I raise onto my arm and glance over my shoulder at him. “How is ‘get up’ sexual?”
“We need to brush our teeth. I’m not taking you from behind again. I want to kiss you and see your face when you come this time.”
I doubt he meant for those words to sound romantic, but they did. Once again, my heart flutters while other parts of me flood with excitement and desire. I scramble out of bed. “Where are our suitcases?”
He sits up and gestures to the adjacent wall, where they both sit open. “I put your toiletries in the bathroom, along with mine. I wanted today to be easy for you.”
My heart melts now. I can’t be angry with him for not realizing the romance behind his thoughtfulness, especially when I want sex from him. Oh, the conundrum of our relationship. “Thank you.” I try to keep my tone light and not let on how much this means to me.
Grayson’s near-naked body beside me while I brush my teeth has all my attention. His muscles ripple and flex when he bends and spits. His royal-blue boxer briefs fit snuggly, making him look like Captain America—because that makes sense.
I don’t dare glance at myself in the mirror. Pasty skin, scars visible between my bra and underwear. He’d undressed me but didn’t strip me bare. My guess is he wanted me to be comfortable but not feel taken advantage of. Another act of kindness. Does he realize in the same way he’s a natural at ball, he’s a natural at wooing a girl, even when she doesn’t want to be wooed? I don’t think he’s trying. He’s just being him. How many girls has he left wanting more, not just sexually but of his compassion? Does he even know how thoughtful he is? I think not.
