Page 79 of Losing Forever
“Why didn’t someone try to help you, a teacher or nurse—I don’t know?”
“Our neighborhood was so rough, injuries could easily be dismissed as street or gang fights. They happened often. We weren’t the only kids with black eyes and bruises. If anyone ever did question us, we lied. Without a mother to take custody of us, we would have been put in the system, or worse, sent to a detention center.”
Man. Dad’s life was so much harder than I imagined.
“Your granddad broke my arm once.” Dad wipes his nose. “After that, Len took double beatings to ensure he never touched me again. As soon as Len was old enough, he moved out and took me with him. Our dad was too drunk to care. Len worked even more for the mafia to make enough money for us to survive, and I helped after school, which Len insisted I continue. Life went on like this until your mother got pregnant.”
“This is way more than you’ve ever told me. Why am I only hearing about it now?”
He shrugs. “I guess I never wanted you to know how bad it was. I was determined to provide a better life for you and your mom.”
“And look where that got you.” I sit back.
“It might not seem like it, but everything I’ve done is for your safety. When the mafia threatened to kill Len if I didn’t come back, I knew it was only a matter of time before they set their sights on you or your mother. That’s how they work. They threaten the people you love. I had no choice but to go back. So I acted quickly, making arrangements early on to ensure Mom and you would be financially set and the money be separate from any of my dealings with the mafia. I had the success and savings from the pawnshops to do it, and the hope that this day would come.”
“Hope that you’d get arrested?” I ask in shock.
“It’s the only way I could ever be out for good. Getting caught and having the businesses taken away means I’m useless to the mafia. No more threats. No more worrying. I’d sit here happily for the rest of my life if it means you and your mother are safe.” He smiles, a genuine fucking smile filled with pride.
All this time, I never knew. All this time, he was protecting us while I was ashamed to have been his son. All this time, I could have known the truth. Instead, I chose resentment and hurt. How quickly I turned that resentment on myself. Here, my father’s been rotting alone and happy about it because he’s keeping his family safe.
And I’d thought I was a dick before. I have so much to fucking learn.
“Dad, I…” Emotions clog my throat. I blink away the moisture burning my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I should have been here for you.”
He slides his hands closer but balls his fingers into fists, sticking to the no-touch rules enforced by the guards. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known because I did one helluva job with you. I gave you the life I wanted you to have—the future—the security. That’s all I ever wanted. I’m so proud of you, and I hate that you threw away ball because of me. Even with all my efforts, I managed to fuck up something.” He laughs, although his eyes are filled with tears. “I’ll still take it as a win. You have enough money to buy your own damn team if you want. You could travel the world. You can do whatever you want, son. I’m so proud. So damn proud.”
Fuck. Now, I’m crying. I swipe at the tears.
“I wish I could hug you.” I glance at the nearest guard.
He’s watching us, his gaze saying,Don’t even try it.
Without touching my dad, I move my hands as close as I can to his. “One day.”
“How about those Yankees?” Dad turns the subject to a manlier topic.
I sputter out a laugh and take the bite. We discuss baseball until the waterworks are long gone.
Before I leave, and after promising to visit him again, I have to ask, “Do you know where Mom is?”
Concern shows in his eyes. “She hasn’t contacted you?”
“I don’t even know why she left.”
He shakes his head. “Len was supposed to get you two together. He was supposed to set it up.”
“All Len told me was that she wanted money from me.”
He laughs and rolls his eyes. “My guess is that was Len’s way of trying to get you two in contact with each other.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your mother doesn’t need money. I made sure she has her own trust, like I did for you. But all the involvement with the mafia and the arrest has made her very paranoid. It started while you were away at college. Cars would be outside the house sometimes or at the shops. She stopped coming to the main one.”
The one where Dad spent most of his time. It was the biggest and nicest out of the four.
“If she’s hiding from you, it’s because she thinks she’s keeping you safe. This has been hard on her nerves. She’s got an active imagination.” He talks with his hands. “Comes up with unrealistic scenarios. Len is watching over her—or he’s supposed to be. I know where you can find her. Maybe if she sees you’re doing well, she’ll relax and let go of this anxiety.”
