Page 64 of Losing Forever
The tension that built in my chest when my father got arrested eases for the first time. I'd been living with the familiar tightness for so long I forgot what it felt like to be without it.
Braylee walks down the aisle toward me, her hands fidgeting at her sides. Her cheeks are pink, her eyes bright from her orgasm, thanks to yours truly. She keeps her gaze averted from mine, even as she scoots past me to her seat by the window.
My fingers itch to touch her, to hold her. I brush my thumb over the top of her hand, where it rests on her lap. “Everything okay?”
She rubs her lips together and stares out the window at the clouds. “I can't believe we did that.”
Oh no. I lean closer to her. “Do you regret it?”
“No,” she blurts. Then, in a quieter voice, she says, “Not at all. It's just not me. I never imagined I'd do something like this. But I did, with you.” Her blue eyes hold mine.
I don't know what to say. She didn't ask a question, but the way she's looking at me makes me think she wants a response.
I thread my fingers with hers and raise her hand to my lips for a kiss. “I can't say I haven't imagined it. I'm a guy. I just never imagined it'd be with you.”
She studies me, her expression contemplative, then returns her focus to the window.
What the fuck?
“Talk to me, Braylee. Something is bothering you. I want to know what.”
“Why?”
Why?Is she for real right now?“Because if it has to do with me, I want to fix it and because we don't keep things from each other. We're open and honest. I don't have that with anyone but you. I don’t want to lose it.”
She turns to me, amusement glinting in her eyes. “You're frustrated.”
“Damn straight I am. And why are you smiling?”
She touches the corner of her mouth. “I didn't know I was.” Her smile grows bigger.
I shift in my seat, bristling with irritation. “What's so funny?”
“You. You're cute when you're aggravated. I like it.” She leans my way and rubs the tip of her nose across mine. “It makes me want to kiss you.”
One minute she's standoffish, and the next she wants me. I’m so confused. “Are you deflecting?”
She giggles. “No. I honestly want to kiss you. Are you refusing?”
“Hell no. Never.” To prove it, I cup the back of her neck and pull her to my eager lips. She tastes like bubble gum. “Mmm.” I lick the sweetness lingering on my lips. “Did you eat candy?”
She takes a tube of flavored lip balm from her pocket. “I found it in my carry-on bag earlier. I didn't know it was in there. I used to wear it all the time.”
Before the accident, I assume. “I like it.”
“I don't know if I like it anymore.” She reclines in her seat and tucks the lip balm in her pocket.
“Why?”
“It's part of who I was, and I'm not that person anymore. It's the same with you.” Her eyes catch mine. “You bring out a new side of me I didn't know existed, but you also make me feel like my old self. It's confusing. I’m not sure who I'm supposed to be.”
“Why not be both?” I rest my elbow on the armrest between us. “You could be a new version of yourself. That's what I did when I quit baseball. It was still a part of me. I think it always will be, but I needed to find out who I could be without it. I had my business degree. I was prepared for my new role in life. I just didn't know what that was—not at the time. I interviewed for a few companies before deciding to work with Noah. I knew enough about his dad’s business from growing up with him. I think I'll be a good real estate agent, but I'm not sure if it's my forever job. I'll figure it out, though. Just like you will.”
She smiles, and it's like the sun emerging from behind a dark cloud. I take that back. It's like the sun emerging from behind my bleak heart. The organ in my chest might even beat faster. If I died right now, I'd go contently, knowing I put a smile like that on her beautiful face.
“You say the perfect things to me.”
“Yeah?” It's my turn to grin, because damn, if my ego isn't beaming now, too.
