Page 62 of Waiting Forever
“No.” He chuckles and climbs onto the vacant side of the bed. Lying on his back, he tucks his hands behind his head, his biceps bulging. “I’ll drop it in the hamper when I leave. I just don’t want to deal with it now. I want to chill right here, next to you. Come here.” He waves me over.
I rest my head on his muscular chest and snuggle beside him.
He kisses my forehead. “That was amazing. You’re amazing.”
“It took me giving you a blowjob for you to realize that?” I tease.
“That wasn’t just a blowjob. It was epic, the blowjob of all blowjobs. And while that sweetened the deal, it in no way got me to realize how amazing you are.” He runs his fingers down my cheek and his expression turns pensive. “I think I realized it long ago, before I even understood what it meant or what you would mean to me. I just avoided it because we were us—you were like family. Nothing could ever happen between us.”
I smile at his honesty. Nathan has always had a sweet side, although he wasn’t as good at expressing himself with words when we were younger. He was more of an action guy, making sure I wasn’t cold when our families went camping in the mountains, assisting me when we hiked or fished. Sharing a canoe with me and doing most of the rowing. It was easy to crush on him. “According to our parents, nothing can happen between us still.”Way to kill the mood, Kensi.
“I don’t want to talk about them.” He brushes my hair behind my ear. “I want to talk about you.”
“We’ve been talking about me for three weeks. It’s your turn.” I nudge his rib with my knuckle.
He flinches away and laughs. “Fine. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, if you promise to do the same.”
“So we’re back to this.” Tit for tat, just like in the Jacuzzi that one night.
“Only if you’re willing to play along.”
I consider the advantages. “I’ll play if I get to ask three questions to your every one, and all three have to be answered first.”
“How is that fair?” He lifts his hand and lowers it to my shoulder rather than my face.
“Take it or leave it.”
He flashes me his electric smile. “You have too much of your father in you.”
“He would say that’s a good thing.”
“Do you miss him and your mom?”
I draw up my knees. “It depends. When I’m not distracted, I do. When I’m alone at night in bed and can’t sleep, I do. When I wonder how they’re doing, I do. But I don’t miss them enough to want them to come back. They need to stay where they are.”
“Why?” He holds my gaze, the question so direct, I know he won’t settle for anything but the truth.
I hesitate and break eye contact with him, in favor of the other pillow near his head. “After what we just did, I shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell you anything, but I am.”
He slips his finger under my chin and tilts my face so I look at him. “How about I embarrass myself first?”
I smile and nod.
He draws in a breath, his chest rising and falling, and takes a moment before reconnecting with my eyes. “When I learned Sebastian died, I cried like a baby. I couldn’t believe he was gone. Not like that. Then Riley disappeared at the same time and I got depressed. They were my closest friends. Sometimes, I still tear up when I think about how they’re both gone. It’s pathetic. And don’t you dare tell anyone what I just confessed,” he warns playfully, but I know he’s serious.
To another guy, crying under those circumstances might be normal, but our dads are ex-SEALs. They don’t show a lot of emotion other than humor, anger, or complete focus. Crying isn’t shamed, but it isn’t practiced, either. Even I struggle not to cry in front of people—or at all.
“That sucks that you lost them both. Sebastian was too young to die. It couldn’t have been easy dealing with that.” I rest my hand on his bicep and rub his skin with my thumb.
“Your turn?” he asks, hopeful.
“The deal was ‘three answers to three questions,’ so you have two more confessions to spill.”
He groans, even as he smiles. “I was pissed at myself for weeks about how I left you on your birthday. I debated calling and apologizing multiple times, but in the end,I chose avoidance.”
I snuggle closer to him. “What would you have said if you had called?”
“That I was an ass. That you looked stunning. That I wanted to take you up to my room and kiss you until neither of us could breathe.”
