Page 41 of Unlocked Dive
I don’t want to believe her. I’ve given up on finding my way back to my old self, and the only thing that makes it bearable is the nebulous feeling that this new version—Byrd’s version—might actually be better.
But what she’s really saying isI’mnot good forhim, and I don’t know how to argue with that. Not when I’m just another asshole asking him to glue me back together with pieces of himself.
“I’m sorry, Echo.” Maybe she even means it. “For what it’s worth, I get what he sees in you. You’re funny and charismatic and too gorgeous for your own good.” She moves to touch me—to pat my shoulder or ruffle my hair—and I flinch away, shrugging her off.
“Lucky for me, I don’t bat for your team.”I’m sorry. I can’t help it. Please leave me alone.
Her eyes go wide. “You little asshole.”
“Don’t you meanmanwhore?”
She stares at me for a minute before she bursts out laughing, and even though I hate her right now, I can’t help cracking a rueful smile.
“I’d tell him if he asked, you know,” I say.
“Tell him what?”
“My body count.”
“He’ll never ask.”
I know. You were the one who wanted to make it important.
“Then I guess it doesn’t matter anyway.” I shrug and go to unpause my game.
“Goodnight, Echo,” she says. “Maybe I’ll see you around Tilburg sometime.”
“Goodbye, Elke. Maybe you will.”
“You’ve been dead for five minutes.”
I jolt at the sound of his voice, dropping the controller on the rug, and turn around. He’s leaning against the wall at the base of the stairs, achingly beautiful in dark bootcut jeans and one of his Henleys. This one is the color of chocolate, making his hair glow warm in the lamplight—dark red and gold like the blurred edge of a flame where it turns to smoke.
“Are you hungry?” he asks, smiling.
I’m wondering if I can still be the new, better Echo on my own, or if I’ll fall back to pieces without you holding me together.
“Not really.”When did this become so much more than simply wanting you to fuck me?
“Are you coming to bed or taking another run at Godrick the Grafted?”
I wrench my eyes away and bend to pick up the fallen controller, straining to sort through the spiral riot of my thoughts—the things I want and the things I should protect him from. And underneath it all, the immenseinevitabilityof him, and the spaces inside me he’s begun to fill.
“I’m…”Too weak to be the better man.
I stand, switching off the TV as I pass, and follow him up the stairs.
In the dark, it’s easier to be brave.
“Byrd? Are you going to lose your job because of me?”Fuck.I sound like a child, worried about getting in trouble.Grow the fuck up, Echo.
“This job? Almost certainly. But Reggie’s pay is for shit, so I’ll survive.”
“I meant your real job.” I don’t want to say it, because he’s giving me an out, and I love these rare flashes of his dry sense of humor, but Elke’s words are too raw in my mind. And I’m trying to be a responsible adult.
He’s quiet for a minute, and even though I also love that he never tries to bullshit me, I kind of wish this once, he would. When I start to pull away, his arm tightens around me.
“I don’t think so,” he says. “Not unless there’s some public scandal, and I doubt we’re important enough for that.”
