Page 5 of Hit the Ground
She didn’t. “That’s not what I asked.”
I pulled in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I’m not sure. Silla was sick for a long time. My whole life revolved around getting her well. Her being gone now…I don’t know. It’s sad. I know it’s sad. But—”
“You’re not feelin’ it yet.” She nodded like that made sense. I wished it did to me. I was still somewhere between numbness and riding the cusp of overwhelm.
“Not yet,” I almost whispered.
She gave my knee a rough pat. “If you need the night off, take it. I don’t want you crying in anyone’s beer.”
I shook my head. “No, I’d rather be here working. I won’t cry, I promise.”
She climbed to her feet, giving me one last wary look. “All right. That’s my final offer. I have to get back out there before the guys start helping themselves to drinks.”
I laughed. “They know better.” As she passed, I brushed my fingers over hers. “Thanks, Joy. I’ll be out in a minute. All pulled together.”
She looked like she might’ve wanted to say something else, but she squeezed my hand then hurried out of the room.
I didn’t linger either. After tucking the envelope away, I tied my apron around my waist and put my hair up in a ponytail. I probably should have swiped on some lip gloss—more than a few guys had mentioned if I made some effort, my tips would be higher—but I’d never really mastered makeup. I wasn’t sure it was me.
And I guess I no longer needed to worry about how high my tips were.
A wave of sadness lapped at my shores. Overfilled coffers were all that was left of the family who had turned away from me when I’d stopped being useful to them. It was…such a waste.
I didn’t have time to dwell on it, though. As soon as I emerged from the back, one of the regulars called out to me.
“Allie-bo-bally. Fancy seeing you here.”
I stopped by Bryan Thomas, who was seventy if he was a day, perched on the stool he’d long ago claimed as his, offering him a smile. “What are the chances?”
He slapped his weather-worn hand on the lacquered bar. “Don’t know, but it feels like my lucky day. How are ya?”
“I’m all right.” I touched my shoulder to his arm. “Is Joy taking care of you?”
“Always.” When he smiled, his face looked like a field of clay in summer, all craggy lines and cracks along sunbaked skin. “Your guy’s here. Looking cranky. You might wanna go cheer him up.”
I stiffened, and my ears burned. I didn’t have to ask who he meant. Bryan might have been half in the bag most of the time, but he knew.
Joy knew.
I didn’t want to think about how many other people knew.
I didn’t turn right away. Didn’t let my eyes scan the bar. I didn’t have to. I knew exactly where Caleb Kelly would be. He was a creature of habit, always sitting at the same table near the back. Sometimes alone, sometimes with members of his family. I also knew what I’d feel when I finally looked—like someone had knocked all the air from my lungs.
It was silly. Twenty-nine years old, and I was no better than a teenager with hearts in my eyes. I tried to hide it and thought I’d done a good job, but four years was a long time to pine for one man.
At this point, I suspected at least half the town was aware of my feelings.
I squared my shoulders, smoothed my apron, and took a breath so deep it tickled the base of my ribs, steeling myself the way I always had to.
When I thought I was ready, I turned, homing in on him immediately.
Sitting at his usual table near the back, hat tipped low, arms crossed, his lips and chin lost in his thick beard. I traced the path his hand took as he reached up and scratched behind his ear—a habit I’d learned he did when his mind was somewhere else. I wondered what he was thinking about. If he was worried. I hoped Jesse was okay.
That was an unnecessary concern. Caleb wouldn’t be here if his son wasn’t okay. That was the man he was.
His brothers-in-law, Remi Town and Deke Slater, were with him. They were married to his sisters, Hannah and Phoebe, and were probably just as handsome as Caleb, but I couldn’t say. When he was around, everyone else became a blur.
He didn’t look up as I started my approach, but that was better.
