Page 101 of Hit the Ground
Caleb’s jaw worked as if the words were stones he had to grind down before he could speak. Finally, he said, “I can’t give you an answer right now. I’ll call you if we’re up for company.”
It shouldn’t have felt like a door slamming in my face, but it did. When it came to this man, I was tender all the way to my core. Lately, he’d been taking care of my soft places, but it seemed he had too much on his mind to do that today.
“Okay,” I whispered. “Let me know when you want to see me again.”
With a great sigh, Caleb turned the truck off and hopped out, circling around to my side. He opened my door and held his hand out to me. “Come on, Allie-girl, let’s get you inside.”
I slipped my hand in his, allowing him to help me out of the truck and walk me to my porch. He took my keys from me, unlocking my door. I held my breath as I waited to see what he’d do next.
Finally, he wrapped his hand around the back of my head and placed a firm kiss on my mouth. It wasn’t sweet and gentle. It wasn’t passionate and needy either. It was a kiss he’d never given to me before, one I couldn’t identify as his.
“I’ll talk to you later,” he murmured, taking a step away from me.
I almost let him go. My worries and fears nearly won. It would be easier to lock my door and fade away in the shadows of my home until Caleb decided to give me some of his light back. But I didn't want easy. I wanted the life I’d begun to build with this man. Sitting in the dark waiting for him wasn’t an option anymore.
“When?”
He jerked, his eyebrows shooting up. “When what?”
“When will you talk to me?”
He dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling hard. “I don’t know. I’ve got work to do, and I need to clear my head. I can’t give you a timeline right now. I’m sorry.”
So was I. Sorry he couldn’t find it in himself to deal with stress without pushing me away. I’d had a lifetime of being shut out when the going got tough. I never thought Caleb would do it to me.
I lifted my chin. “If your intention is to shut me out any time things go wrong, I need you to understand I can’t accept that. If you need space, then please take it. Sometimes, I need that too. But it feels like you’re pushing me away, and I don’t like it.”
He started to speak, but I held my hand up. I wasn’t finished. If I didn’t say what was on my mind, I would let it swallow me up and never find a way to get it out. “You don’t have to say anything. Really, Cay. Go back to the ranch, get your head on right. But please understand, I am not a fish on a hook who will hang out indefinitely. I care for you very much, but how you’re acting is making me sad in a way that reminds me far too much of my family.”
I patted the center of his chest. “I care for you, Caleb,” I repeated. “Take your space, but please don’t go so far I can’t reach you. I’ll miss you.”
His hand came up, closing over mine. He brought my fingers to his mouth and kissed them. “I won’t go far.” He sighed, softer now. “I’ll call you tonight, darlin’. Promise.”
“Okay.” I slipped my hand from his and tucked it behind my back. “I’ll see you.”
He lingered a second longer, like he might have said more, but the words never came.
I stepped inside, the familiarity of my cozy house wrapping around me. I stood with my hand on the door, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch him walk away, so I slowly shut it.
I touched the fingers he’d kissed to my lips, squeezing my eyes closed.
Caleb Kelly was the strongest man I knew. He’d deal with what he needed to, then he’d come around. I just hoped he didn’t make me wait too long.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Caleb
Ihadeveryintentionof going back to the ranch and spending the day working hard enough to shut everything else out—to sweat out my worries and bleed my anger. But as I sat in my truck in front of Alice’s house, I couldn’t bring myself to leave.
I looked down at the book in my hands. The third in theShadow of the Isleseries,Crown of the Sky. We were almost finished. Fathaniel and Balboa were on the cusp of solving the riddle of the dragon and the stars. Their happy ending was within reach. They’d harnessed the sky and learned how to rewrite the stars. But Fathaniel was still screwing things up, as always. He couldn’t stop going off on his own, trying to carry the entire universe on his shoulders, even when he had Balboa right there, ready to be his partner.
I banged my head on my steering wheel, frustration pounding behind my eyes. The parallels between me and the bumbling hero were so on the nose, it wasn’t funny. Hell, nothing was funny about the last look Alice had given me. Nearly defeated while still holding out hope I’d get my act together.
I dropped the book onto the passenger seat and sat there for another long minute, gripping the wheel so hard I was surprised it didn’t crack. I wasn’t going to be a fool like Fathaniel, stumbling alone until it was too late. Not when Alice was willing to walk beside me.
She was delicate on the outside, sure. Small hands that disappeared in mine, a dulcet voice I had to carefully listen to so I didn’t miss a word, an easy disposition that made it impossible not to like her. But underneath all that, she was steel. She’d faced challenges that would break someone weaker. But she was still standing, still lovely and curious and brave.
With a muttered curse, I shoved the truck door open and climbed out, rocks crunching beneath my boots. Determination burned hot in my gut as I crossed her yard.
