Page 51 of As Many Souls as Stars
Miriam offered her an arm. ‘All this magic was perhaps too much for you,’ she said, soothingly. ‘Let’s go somewhere brighter, hm? And we can continue our practice tomorrow.’
Hesitantly, Esther looped her arm around hers. ‘Yes. I think—I think that would be best.’
They walked slowly toward the distant light of the lanterns. The scent of blood faded; the trees that surrounded them bore no fruit, only nascent blossoms and sharp green leaves. As they continued, Esther’s breathing slowed, and her shoulders dropped.
They reached a fork in the road. Miriam turned to stare at her. Esther stared back.
‘Why is it, really, that you are so interested in me?’ Esther asked. ‘Is it attraction? Kinship? Both?’
‘I could ask you the same thing.’
Esther chewed her lip. ‘All these warnings about Thomas, and yet you won’t be honest with me. Not entirely. Why?’
‘You think I am lying?’
‘There is more to this, certainly, than what you have said.’
Miriam didn’t reply. She watched her, patiently, half a smile on her lips.
‘You want me to hurt him,’ Esther said, in dawning realisation. ‘Thomas. You haven’t told me to run away from him. All you’ve done is make me suspicious, make me afraid. You want me to use my power to do something unforgivable.’
‘Yes.’
‘Because you want the grimoire? Why not do it yourself?’
‘I can’t while he’s in the house. He’s warded it.’
Esther shook her head. ‘That isn’t everything, though. You wantmeto do it. You want my hands to be the ones that hurt him. Why?’
Perceptive girl.Miriam herself hadn’t realised how much she’d wanted that, until Esther had pointed it out. She considered the question, imagined the outcome Esther described: Esther, shrouded in darkness, calling the shadows to enact her bidding, tearing Thomas’s soul from his chest and consuming it as she watched. Violence was a beautiful thing, a powerful thing. Miriam had always thought so; it was an acceptance that humanity no longer mattered. In some small way, perhaps it would be an acceptance of Miriam herself.
‘I think it would be beautiful,’ Miriam breathed, letting all her desire, all her hunger lace her voice; Esther gave a trembling sort of gasp in response, as if the words had caressed her. ‘Oh,darling. I see it, now. All I want in the world is to see you covered in blood.’
Esther turned away. Miriam couldn’t tell if the expression on her face was nausea or arousal.
‘You are mad,’ Esther said.
‘Does that scare you?’
‘No,’ she replied. ‘In a way, it is a relief. Madness has long been a solitary art for me. It will be a comfort to share it.’
14
Miriam’s reaction to the lanterns in the gardens was one of scathing disinterest—‘Do people in this town truly pay to see these? They’re only lights’—which Esther really should have found aggravating. But Esther could think of nothing except the pounding of her heart, the trembling of her hands at Miriam’s nearness—and Miriam’s voice saying,It would be beautiful, over and over in her mind. Esther felt as if she were ripe fruit, about to burst its skin, a cloud about to rain, and she was so undone, so confused, soexhaustedof feeling constantly on the edge of something without actually reaching it.
The hour grew late enough that they had to depart. Esther didn’t know whether she felt disappointed or relieved. They hailed another cab, both clambering inside. Then they stared at each other from opposite seats in a heavy, significant silence. Esther could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, thudding in a syncopated rhythm between each judder of the coach. Miriam wore her typical small, self-satisfied smile as she watched her.
‘I can get you the grimoire,’ Esther said. ‘I needn’t kill Thomas for it. Tell me where it is, and I’ll find it.’
Miriam shook her head. ‘He keeps it with him always.’
‘I know you said he may be violent, but I am more powerful than him. If he can’t truly use magic, I don’t see how he could be a threat.’
‘Your fa— Christopher Harding,’ Miriam said, ‘was, for all his faults, a capable ritualist. There may be something in that grimoire that presents a genuine danger, regardless of your cousin’s abilities.And he knows the truth of your powers, your curse. Surely, he could ruin you, if he were so inclined?’
‘He is a wealthy man, and I am a woman; he could always do that, regardless.’ Esther turned her head away, staring resolutely out the window. ‘I am capable of many things, Miss Richter, but I cannot kill willingly. I have lived my life this far with relative liberty because I am willing to play by society’s rules, as much as they chafe, and I expect you to do the same. Otherwise, this brief acquaintance will be at an end.’
‘He shall live, then, until you set this stubbornness aside,’ Miriam said. ‘But youmustset it aside eventually, Esther. Your life depends on it.’
