Page 80 of The Phoenix Bride
“Because I am in love with you,” I tell him. I know that if Idon’t say it now, I might never do so. “I love you so desperately, and I know you want me to let go of you, but I can’t. I just can’t.”
He says, “Cecilia, this is impossible. We are impossible.”
“I don’t care about that. The entire city is burning around us, David. If there was ever a night for impossible things, this would be it.”
“And what about tomorrow?” he asks. “When morning comes?”
“I don’t know. But we needn’t think about it today.” I lay a hand on his chest. “Please. I am to be married—if not today, then someday soon. After this, I may never see you again. The city could be ashes; neither of us may ever return. I accept that. Just—let me forget it, just for a little while. For one day, let me forget.”
He sighs in surrender and pulls me back to him, pressing his lips to mine. I wind my arms around his neck. It is less desperate than it was the last time, despite everything: slow and sweet and searching. It feels like an apology. It feels like a promise.
When he pulls back, he says, “I am so grateful you are here, and that you are safe. Thank you.”
Jan appears in the hallway behind him. “David, if we are to take all the bags…”
David flushes. “Yes. Pardon.”
He squeezes my hand before disappearing into the house. I wait with the bags on the road, feeling a paradoxical mixture of delight and anxiety.
Everyone soon emerges. We begin the journey back to the river, all of us laden with bags. David knows a route that doesn’t require taking the main road; that is a mercy, as I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for us to navigate the crowd. Once we reach the water’s edge—it is just as busy as it was when wearrived—Sam begins hopping up and down, waving his arms about to gain the attention of the barge floating idly at the center of the river. Thankfully, he is arresting enough in his peach coat, and soon the boat makes its way toward us.
Jan is impressed by the barge. “That is yours?” he asks Sam.
“Yes. I had another, but I crashed it into a wharf.”
“You can sail?”
“Oh, not at all. That is why I crashed it.”
This response makes Jan wheeze as if someone has punched him in the stomach, and he murmurs something in Dutch. David gives him a chiding look.
We get onto the barge. The maid—Elizabeth—sits at the front, and says to Sam, “If it isn’t too much trouble, sir, I should like to be dropped across the water.”
“Are you certain, Elizabeth?” David asks. “Will you be safe?”
“My ma is in Borough, David Mendes. I want to be with her.”
“Very well,” he says, although he still seems uneasy.
We set off. Jan sits beside Sam and listens to him tell the long and complicated anecdote of his boat crashing. Meanwhile, David and I place ourselves at the stern.
David looks warily at Jan and Sam. “We should keep Jan away from Sir Grey, I fear.”
“Why? He is smitten. I think it’s sweet.”
“You don’t mind?” he says, surprised.
“It would be quite hypocritical of me to judge,” I reply. “I’ve hardly acted with much propriety myself when it comes towanting those I shouldn’t.”
David swallows. He reaches over and takes my hand in his own. “The wedding…”
“It didn’t happen. The ceremony was supposed to take place late this afternoon.”
He looks relieved. “Does your sister know where you are?” he asks me.
“No.”
“She will panic.”
