Page 91 of The Wild Card
“But regular old gyms still help people, right?” I ask gently. I’m honestly trying to understand. From the little I’ve picked up, the gym has done well. Other than the Liza-induced hate comments, the social following for his gym is big. In the few videos I saw, the place was packed.
Most people would count that as a success. It’s clear that Collin doesn’t.
“It got away from me,” Collin says. “Not just the gym, but what I wanted. People came not for exceptional training, but to be seen. Or to meet athletes. Maybe because of me or my family name. It was more about pageantry than substance.”
“I want to tell you that sucks—because it does—but that doesn’t seem like enough to say. I’m sorry, Collin.”
“Thank you. I felt better once I realized it and was able to admit I wasn’t doing what I wanted anymore. Then, everything happened with my ex. She stole money but made it sound like I sexually harassed her. Kind of sours the whole thing for me. I’ll feel better when it’s off my hands.”
Finding the boldness I couldn’t a few minutes ago, I reach over and take his hand. He blinks in surprise, then slides his fingers between mine. His grip is firm and sure.
The air between us is shifting, a tension rising that I both want to lean into and run away from.
“Now I know about the gym. What about this field?” I prompt. “Why did your dad buy it for you?”
“Tank said it’s for me to build my new dream. My legacy. Whatever that is.”
A pang of something ugly that feels like jealousy twists in my gut. “Wow. Your dad is really something.”
Collin smiles. “He is. Now I just need to figure out what my legacy is, and how to create something to make my family proud this time.”
“Your family is already plenty proud,” I say, but he shakes his head.
“I should get enough to pay them back. But they were all as invested in the gym—inme—as I was. And it failed. I failed.”
I squeeze his fingers. “Or maybe it shifted into something different because your dream changed too.”
He thinks about this. “Maybe.”
“And as close as your family is, as wonderful and supportive?—”
“Let’s not forget nosy and invasive,” he interrupts.
I laugh. “That too. But as wonderful as they are, your dad didn’t tell you to figure outtheirlegacy,theirdream. It’s yours. Maybe it would help to stop thinking about their opinions or striving for their approval and really think about what’s important toyou. Because I think that, more than anything, would be what they all want for you anyway.”
Collin’s gaze shifts over my shoulder again, and I worry I’ve overstepped and gone too far. Or maybe I’ve taken a swing and missed the nail completely. I might just be projecting, as I related to his struggle more than he knows. I don’t want to say that now, though, or I might seem like one of those people who makes everything about them. I don’t think I’m doing that, but still.
“How did you do that?” Collin asks.
“Do what?”
“You stepped into my life less than a week ago, and I think you see me better than anyone else ever has, Molly-girl.”
Pleased isn’t a strong enough word for the warmth unfurling in my chest at his words. I can’t manage to locate words, so I simply lift a shoulder and offer him a smile. “Maybe I see you because I’m looking.”
“Ah,” he says, a teasing smile on his lips. “You like the way I look?”
I shoot him a dirty look. “That’s not what I meant.”
“But I’ll take the compliment all the same. Now, do you want to talk to me about what’s been bothering you?”
I should have expected this. And I shouldn’t mind telling Collin about all the things I’ve been keeping close. I know I can trust him. But I’m just not ready to talk about everything.
There will be a time—probably soon—where I tell him about my family and feeling unsure of what I want to do with my life. My fears about not having a plan or purpose or any real dream of my own. He’d understand. He would be encouraging.
But I don’t want to drag all that out tonight.
Instead, I give him a little piece of truth.
