Page 106 of The Wild Card
The grossness of it all is multiplied by the fact that this is all public. I’m tagged hundreds of times in Liza’s video. People are stitching her video, showing screenshots of my Collin post, and speculating wildly. I’m getting hundreds of new comments on the hard launch post, followers trying to show their support or Liza fans being nasty. Strangers pit us against each other—comparing who’s prettier, who they like more, and who Collin should be with. There are also a lot of negative comments about Collin, who now looks like he might be a cheater.
Because the only thing the internet loves more than shipping a new couple isdrama.
I consider posting either the video I made while we were eating guacamole or something that Lindy and Pat filmed the other night. But I don’t for two reasons.
One: I’ve decided I want my personal life to stay personal. I don’t think I even want a curated version of myself put out there for public consumption. The response to Liza’s video and all the ugliness online was the final nail in the coffin. I wantout.
Two: Though I’m 99.9% positive Collin didn’t run into Liza, forget me, forget all the awful stuff she did, and decide to take her back, if hedidand I post something that looks like we’re still together, well. That will just make me feel very, very stupid.
Responding publicly also feels childish. I don’t want a feud with Liza.
The only thing I want is Collin.
But he doesn’t come, and I’m finally forced to drag myself to work. Calliope closes at four, which will leave me enough time to go back to the loft and change before the wedding at six. It also leaves Collin plenty of time to come find me.
He doesn’t.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kalli asks. She’s cleaning the espresso machine while I’m untying my apron.
Though I didn’t tell her much, I did give her the most basic rundown. In return, she gave me a hug, then a crash course on using the espresso machine so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone at the register today just in case they happened to see Liza’s video.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell Kalli, hoping it’s true.
Collin Graham is good people, Wolf Waters told me in this very room.
I’m choosing to believe it, but until I get reassurance from the man himself, there’s no way around me feeling absolutely miserable as I get ready for a wedding I have to hope I’m still invited to.
Collin
“Calm down, my dude,” Pat says. “We’ll be there soon. If Molly is upset that you spent the night with your brothers, she’s a little too possessive for a fake girlfriend.”
My brother is lucky I don’t pull over and make him walk back to Sheet Cake. It’s a tempting thought. If we weren’t already dressed in suits on the way to James’s wedding, I might just do it.
Instead, I grit my teeth, check the time again, and tighten my hands on the wheel. “I wouldn’t care so much if I could get ahold of her,” I mutter. “Her phone isn’t working.”
I haven’t been able to get through to her since yesterday afternoon, and with every passing hour, my discomfort grows.
Why isn’t her phone working? I know she was fine last night thanks to Winnie’s text, but I don’t like not being able to reach her, to hear her voice. Especially since she expected me home last night.
I don’t like going back on my word.
Though I’m sure Molly wouldn’t have minded that I decided to stay with James and Pat at Dad’s last night, it doesn’t sit well with me that I couldn’t tell her. Not being able to get ahold of her feels like being thrown back into a different time.
How did people manage before cell phones and the kind of constant contact we’re used to now?
It’s a dumb question because of course, people before cell phones wouldn’t know any different. But having the ability to talk to someone five ways with the touch of a button isn’tsomething you can easily go back from. It makes getting to Molly now feel absolutely urgent.
“My, my, my,” Pat says, shifting his tone of voice. “Someone seems to have some real worry for his fake girlfriend.”
Because she’s not my fake girlfriend, I almost tell him.
If I were going to confess the truth to my brothers, I would have done it last night. Thayden left after poker, but Tank, James, Pat, Chase, and I stayed up late on the back patio, having the kind of real talk that doesn’t happen often.
James, as it turned out, is nervous about getting married. Not because he doesn’t want to marry Winnie but because, in typical James fashion, he doesn’t think he’s good enough to be her husband.
I don’t envy James the unnecessary responsibility he always insists on carrying. I’m convinced it’s part of the reason he’s got the broadest shoulders in the family—it’s all the mental and emotional weight he lugs around.
Surprisingly, it was Chase who had wise words for James. “You’ll never feel like you’re good enough,” he said simply. “I know I’m not nearly good enough for Harper. But let that fear of not being enough drive you to be the best you can be instead of letting it push you into a dark place. If you really weren’t good enough, you wouldn’t even be worried about it.”
