Page 74 of Rebel Heart
Other than the nerves she’d displayed the day she told me about the pregnancy, when she admitted how nervous she’d been, Jules hadn’t even once made me think she was upset about the pregnancy. Obviously, the logistics of it and how we’d work through parenting were a concern for her—just as it would be for any new mom—but I never felt that she was experiencing any regret. Had I been blind to what was bothering her and overlooked something that should have been so obvious?
A wave of sadness washed over her, and it was all I could do to stay where I was to wait for an explanation instead of giving in to the primal urge that I felt to make my way to the opposite end of the couch and pull her into my arms.
“It’s not bad news,” she murmured, her eyes downcast. “But… Well, things haven’t exactly gone the way I planned they would for my life. And I’m not saying that I regret this baby. Not at all. But I look at my brothers and sister, and they’ve done everything right. They dated and fell in love and got married. Then they started having babies. I went on two dates and got pregnant.”
I’d already popped the last bite of chicken in my mouth, but when she said those words, it was an effort to finish it. I didn’t want to think the worst, so I tried not to jump to any conclusions. Setting the plate aside, I asked, “Do you think your family is going to be angry?”
Jules pushed the last few bites of her chicken and salad around the plate before putting it on the table beside her glass of water that she hadn’t yet taken a sip from. Leaning her back against the armrest, she swung her feet up onto the cushion between us and sighed. “It’s not that they’ll be angry. I can’t see that being the case. But I just… I think they’re going to be disappointed with me.”
Jules dropped her gaze to her lap, where she was fidgeting with her hands.
Having that answer, I learned I wasn’t wrong not to want to finish that last bite of my food. Jules was comparing her situation to her siblings’ relationships, and she felt like she was the odd one out. Like there was something wrong with her for having given in to what she’d been feeling with me weeks ago when things were still so fresh and new between us. When I’d looked at us as nothing more than just two people scratching an itch.
Seeing her so downtrodden now, I would do anything to wipe that sadness off her face. Maybe that was the reason why I didn’t think twice about what came out of my mouth next. “So, let’s get married.”
Her body went rigid, and her head snapped up. “What?”
I smiled at her. “We can get married, Jules.”
She blinked in surprise, her gorgeous mouth parted in shock. No words came out.
Wanting to be closer, to make this moment more of what it should have been, I stood and moved to sit on the edge of the cushion beside her. Then I took her hand in mine. “If they were still open, I’d take you to the courthouse right now and marry you.”
Her eyes frantically searched my face, looking for a sign that I was serious or, perhaps, if I was joking. “Beau, I… You don’t want that.”
“What? Why would you ever say that?”
A small smile formed on her face, but it was tinged with sadness. “You’ve been amazing from the moment I told you that we were having a baby. Everything you’ve done for me since then has been nothing short of incredible. But wanting to be a decent man and a good father is very different than wanting to be a husband.”
“I suspect it is.”
“Exactly. I don’t want you to do something because you feel bad and feel you have to. I want the man who asks me to marry him to be someone who feels something for me, who finds me irresistible and funny and charmingand?—”
“I think you’re all of those things. And more.”
Jules parted her lips to speak but quickly closed them as the breath rushed from her in a deep sigh. “I know you’re a good guy, Beau. You don’t have to say things you don’t mean to convince me.”
“But I do mean them. Every word.”
She arched a brow. “But you haven’t… You haven’t…” She shook her head as her voice trailed off.
“I haven’t what?”
“You’ve made no attempt to be intimate with me, to indicate that everything you said to me on that trampoline before I dropped this pregnancy bombshell is still what you want.”
I jerked back in surprise. Had she wanted intimacy this whole time? “You’ve been… Jules, you’ve been so exhausted. But I… I think you’re… God, Jules, I’m crazy about you. I have to fight every urge inside me whenever I’m around you not to scoop you up in my arms so I can kiss and touch you.”
“What?”
Keeping one hand firmly wrapped around hers, the other went to the side of her face and cupped her cheek. My thumb brushed lightly across her skin. “After the last time I kissed you and we experienced any intimacy, the same day we made this baby, things didn’t go well. That was all my fault. But I meant every word of what I said to you that day I came back from that demo tour. I just didn’t want to make assumptions about how ready you would be to allow me back into that part of your life.”
Tears filled her dull eyes. “So, you… You do still want me?”
“Angel, I never stopped. I don’t know how I’ve contained it for nearly two weeks now.” My thumb moved along her cheek. “You’re so beautiful, and every time I look at you, I want to kiss you. There isn’t anything you could do that’d make me find you more irresistible than I already do.”
Some of the light returned to her eyes. “Okay. That’s good. Great. But you’re talking now about just marrying me. That’s insane, isn’t it?”
“I don’t think so.” My hand squeezed hers. “You’re the only woman who’s ever made me want something more in my life. And you’re all I can think about. Maybe it’s fast, but I do specifically recall you telling me once that you were a bit of a rebel. And shouldn’t a husband accept his wife as she is?”
