Page 71 of Rebel Heart
Now I was the one feeling confused. “How do you know I’m going to feel better in a few weeks?”
His lips curved into a mischievous smile. “I’ve been doing some reading.”
“Oh?”
He jerked his chin down slightly. “Yes. And I learned that the exhaustion should start to subside when you get into the second trimester. You’re almost there.”
Beau really had done his research. Obviously, I still had a week and a half before I could get in with my doctor, but I suspected I was now more than halfway through the first trimester based on the online due date calculator I’d used.
“So, is this how you’re spending your days while I’m working? You’re just reading up on all the pregnancy facts?”
His fingers squeezed my leg, and he laughed. “I do a few other things.”
“Like?”
“I put immense effort into controlling the urge I have to visit you at work,” he teased.
I rolled my eyes. “You do not.”
“I do. Not only am I always looking for an excuse to get a dessert from your bakery, but I worry about you.”
As quickly as I could have closed my eyes and fallen asleep, Beau changed the entire vibe of the conversation. Suddenly, it wasn’t about teasing one another. The tone of his voice told me he was genuinely concerned.
“What are you worried about?”
“You. You’re up early to get to work, and you’re on your feet all day. With all the changes happening to your body, even if we can’t see them, I’m concerned you’re going to overdo it.”
My chest tightened, and my hand instinctively flew there. He claimed he didn’t believe in love. I was beginning to think he must have had some other definition of the word. Because those words demonstrated that Beauknew what love was. Not necessarily romantic love, but the kind of love that cares and worries and supports.
I wanted to ask him about his parents, about what led to him feeling like love didn’t exist, but I didn’t want to push for too much too soon. He’d share eventually. When he was ready, I was confident of that much.
“I promise I’m being careful,” I told him.
He nodded. “I know you wouldn’t ever do anything to jeopardize the baby or yourself. I didn’t mean to insinuate that. But over these last few days, something else has come over me, and I’m always worried about you.”
The last thing I’d ever do is begrudge him the right to be concerned, whether about me, the baby, or both. So, I said, “If there’s anything I can do to help alleviate those concerns, feel free to share.”
“You don’t need to do anything. You’re already growing a human. I’ll be fine.”
Well, that just wasn’t fair. “I realize that. But this is a new experience for you, too. I want you to know that I understand that. And I really do appreciate the effort you’re putting in to show me how much this matters to you.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
His fingers stroked back and forth over my skin, but he never allowed them to drift up my leg.
That was another thing that had shaken my confidence.
Because even though Beau had said he wanted me, he’d made no move to indicate that was the case. Sure, he’d been caring and attentive. And it was obvious he wasalways thinking about me, if he’d taken up reading about pregnancy.
But there’d been no intimate gestures beyond the occasional brush of his fingertips on my skin like he was doing right now. Beau might reach out and give me a gentle squeeze on the arm or shoulder, and if I was overwhelmed, he didn’t hesitate to pull me into his comforting embrace.
Beyond that, there’d been no attempts at anything else. No kisses. No knowing looks. Not even a sweep of his gaze that told me he was having naughty thoughts about me.
I didn’t know whether that meant he wasn’t interested in me like that anymore or not. Sure, he’d said he wanted to do this right. But maybe he only meant that in regard to how it’d affect his child.
There were so many questions I wanted answers to, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask them. Because every time I worked up the courage, I recalled that day in my bedroom when I asked him to attend my birthday party. The pain of learning I was nothing more than just a good time for him left me feeling fearful of what I’d hear this time around.
Maybe he’d come home from that demo and opened up about having changed his mind about us not being just friends. And perhaps he’d said he wanted to focus on learning about one another even after I’d told him I was pregnant. But I wasn’t so sure he still felt the same.
