Page 60 of Rebel Heart
“Don’t be,” I insisted. “I’m okay. Really. It was a tough lesson, and it hurt for a bit, but I can’t do anything to change it.”
I could have easily told my sister that I was in contact with Beau again, that he’d come to see me at the bakery, taught me how to skateboard, and had been keeping in contact with me ever since he left about a week ago to go on his tour. But the last thing I wanted to do was add any stress to her life. She’d be worried about me more than she already was, and there was no reason to do that to her when there was no hope, at least at this point, of Beau and I ever becoming anything more than just friends.
Even if I still have reservations about how much older he is than you, I hope you know he was a fool to walk away from you.”
If only she knew he hadn’t completely walked away. I wondered what she might have said if I told her that he’d revealed he wanted my friendship, that he didn’t want me not to be in his life.
Nodding, I said, “The age difference didn’t feel so big to me.”
“Jules, he’s Wyatt’s age. That’s a pretty big gap between the two of you. Enough for Mom and Dad to have four kids in between when Wyatt got here and when you did.”
I shrugged. “Maybe when you look at the numbers. But when we were spending time with one another, Ididn’t think much about it. We just got along so well, and I felt so good being around him.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you hoped.”
“Me, too. I think we could’ve been great together, like you and Marco.”
She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “You’ll find your guy. I’m certain of it.”
I wanted to believe that was true, didn’t want to feel completely hopeless. Smiling at her, I said, “I know. I just hope he’s planning to show up soon. I feel a bit lost.”
Concern leaked onto her features. “Why?”
Our server returned with our food before I could respond. I waited until after she walked away and both Ivy and I had gotten in a few bites of our food. “I’ve always known what’s coming next, Ivy. For as long as I can remember, there’s been a direct path for me to follow. I knew what I wanted, and I went after it. It’s always worked out for me. I felt that same thing when I met Beau. And I know it’s crazy, because I didn’t really know much about him, but I can’t explain the chemistry between us. Anyway, I thought it was the right thing to be bold and do something about what felt so right. I was so wrong about it, and now I’m just not sure what to do.”
A sympathetic look washed over her. “I’m not sure anyone in this family has ever felt as sure of themselves as you about the direction of your life. But where you are now is right where I was in those years when Wyatt had fallen in love with Rhea, Cooper with Skye, and Tate with Ava. It was like there was love all around me, and I was the one who saw no possibility for happiness. Nopotential. Then I got it. When I least expected it, when I was in the worst possible situation, love was waiting for me. I know it’s easier said than done, especially now that I’m on this side of it, but I promise it’s out there for you. And it’s going to be the best thing you’ve ever experienced when it happens. Don’t stop trusting yourself because one guy took advantage of your courageous and beautiful heart.”
She was right.
That was easier said than done.
The only courage I had these days was enough to put myself out there, night after night, dancing and flirting in hopes of finding someone I felt a spark with like I had with Beau.
“I’ll try to keep that in mind. Now, talk to me aboutanythingelse.”
Luckily, Ivy didn’t push the issue and was happy to switch the conversation. “This food is amazing. Here, try this.”
I laughed, grateful I had her, and enjoyed the rest of dinner with her.
Afterward, I drove her home, and when I pulled up outside her place, I said, “Great job today, Mama. I’m so proud of you for getting through such a long day without complaining.”
“Well, this is the best I’ve felt. They weren’t lying when they said the second trimester really feels the best. To be honest, it’s only fair after enduring the torture of the first trimester. The nausea kicked my butt, but the exhaustion was like nothing I had ever experienced. Idon’t think I’ll ever forget how tired it left me in the beginning, especially when it was the reason I finally determined something was off, even before I realized I missed my period. Anyway, I’m happy to be right where I am. And I’m going to enjoy every single second of the renewed energy I do have.”
Ivy didn’t wait for me to respond as she got out of the car and opened the back door to grab her bags. And it was a good thing, because I wasn’t quite sure I’d be able to get any words out.
Because it hit me.
And it hit me hard.
The exhaustion. God, the exhaustion I’d been feeling for weeks now. I thought it was all about what had happened with Beau initially, which led to some late nights out.
But as soon as Ivy mentioned the exhaustion and the missed period, I realized I was late.
Weeks late.
“See you later, Jules.”
I swallowed past the terror that was building. “Later, Ivy. Give Marco my love.”
