Page 58 of Rebel Heart
I wished I could’ve stayed in this moment forever, because everything about it was perfect.
“I’ve missed you, Jules.”
My body tensed at his admission. It was everything I’d wanted to hear and more. I thought it might be a mistake, but I couldn’t stop myself from being honest with him. “I’ve missed you, too.”
His fingers twitched. “I realize this might be difficult to talk about, but I need to say this. When things happened between us, I understand why you reacted theway you did. You had every right to be upset with me for not being clear about my intentions from the start. But I promise you that I wasn’t lying when I told you just how much I enjoy being around you. Today was easily the best day I’ve had in a long time. I hope you and I can continue to have this, even after today.”
Tears clouded my vision, and my throat grew painfully tight. “I don’t want you to think I didn’t have a good time, because I did. This was magical today. But I can’t lie and say it doesn’t still hurt to feel what I do between us, even now, and not be able to act on it. I’d love to tell you that I can do this all the time and be fine, but I’d be lying. I don’t know that I can trust myself not to get caught up like I did before. I’m trying my best to move past it, but it hasn’t been easy.”
Beau’s thumb stroked lightly over my knuckles. “Tell me what I can do to help you, because I don’t want to not have you in my life. I realize it’s not the way you want, and there’s nothing I wish for more than for things to be different for me, so I could give you that. But it’s not different. All I know is that I would hate for today to end and never see you again.”
A tear slid from my eye as I turned my head to look at him again. “I can’t just be some girl you sleep with. I won’t be that. As much as I like you, I deserve better than that.”
Hurt slashed through him. “I know you do.”
My eyes roamed over his handsome face. “So, what are you hoping to get out of me being in your life?”
“I don’t know. Your friendship, I think.”
“You think? Is this… is this something you do with all the women you spend time with?”
Beau hesitated. “I’ve never been impacted by not being around any woman the way I have with you. So, no, this isn’t something I’ve ever done with other women. And I said I think because this is a first for me, Jules. I’m trying to work through it.”
Layla’s words popped into my head. She believed that for someone to say they didn’t believe in love, they had to be deeply hurt. Maybe Beau needed the grace and compassion for whatever he’d been through. And if I could find a way to push past what I felt, I might be able to get Beau to realize that love did exist, and he was just as capable as anyone of not only giving it but receiving it, too.
Recognizing how much I enjoyed being around him, I was willing to give him that shot. So, I nodded slowly and squeezed his hand. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think we can try to be friends, if that’s something you’d like.”
A rush of air left his lungs as he looked up at the sky and brought his hand to rest at the center of his chest. His fingers continued to stroke my knuckles. “You are easily the most incredible woman I’ve ever met, Jules. And I’m not sure why it was you I walked up to that day at your bakery a few weeks ago, but I’m so glad it happened.”
My belly clenched for a multitude of reasons. What he said was so incredibly sweet, but it broke my heart toknow there was a man who felt like that about me and couldn’t bring himself to take a chance.
I rasped, “I’m glad I met you, too.”
There was a moment of tense silence between us, and I got the feeling Beau was really struggling with something. So, I decided to put my full effort into this friendship thing and be the one to break the ice.
“Alright, so can I expect you’re going to call me while you’re out traveling the country for two weeks?”
Laughter spilled out of him, and he eventually returned his attention to me. “Absolutely.”
I grinned at him.
He smiled back.
And while it wasn’t everything I hoped for, it was a small step in the right direction.
15
JULES
“Oh, Ivy. Look at this.”
My sister snapped her head in my direction, and her expression melted. “That’s so sweet. But put it back. We’re not getting it.”
I groaned my frustration. “Are you sure you don’t want to find out whether you’re having a boy or a girl. Auntie Jules really wants to do some shopping.”
