Page 38 of Rebel Heart
He couldn’t bring himself to come to the party and meet my family today, didn’t even want to explore the possibility of a romantic relationship with me, but for some reason I couldn’t begin to comprehend, he felt compelled to call me anyway.
I thought I’d done the right thing by not answering the call, but it had been a bad move. Because Beau left avoicemail. A voicemail that I’d already listened to three times and couldn’t bring myself to delete.
“Hi, Jules. It’s me. I… I’ve reached out a few times and haven’t heard back from you. I get it. I understand why you haven’t, and I’m not mad at you about it. I guess I want to give you the time you need to move past how I hurt you. But I remembered it was your birthday today, and I didn’t want to let the day go by without reaching out to you. I hope you have a great day. I’m still here, if you ever want to talk or… I don’t know… if you ever just want to hang out. Happy birthday, Jules.”
Did he honestly believe I’d call him up to hang out with him? How could he expect I’d be able to do that, to pretend like I hadn’t gotten myself caught up in him the way I had? Or did he think I was just so desperate for someone that I’d forget I had any morals at all and just hop back into bed with him. Maybe I’d gone there too quickly as it was, but I’d done it with the belief that he wanted more than just a random hookup.
I still cringed to think about it all. About how I’d barely known him and hopped into bed with him almost as quickly as I could snap my fingers. Not that he ever had any intention of staying, but if there had been any possibility of it, it had certainly flown out the window the second I’d made that foolish decision.
Now I was stuck here, thinking about how many more times I’d play that stupid message just to hear him speak.
Hearing his voice was like torture, and as pathetic as it might have been, I could admit I missed him. And itsucked, because in such a short time, I’d grown so fond of him, believed he was a great guy. It wasn’t all in my head, because I’d witnessed it in action, both with me and at the demo with the kids and his fans.
My mind still flashed back to the night in my apartment. I often recalled that tortured look on his face throughout most of our conversation, but especially when he gave me the few details he had about his parents. It was difficult to understand what he’d been through with his family—I couldn’t even try to when he was unwilling to share—but I also couldn’t imagine not believing in love because of it.
How Beau could deny himself a good life surrounded by love and happiness, I didn’t understand. But perhaps that was because it had always been easy for me with the family I had around me.
Even now, when I’d been so disappointed about not being able to introduce my family to Beau, they were all here making me happy without even realizing they were doing it.
Then again, it wasn’t exactly difficult to feel some contentment today. I was lounging by the pool at my parents’ house with the girls—my sister, Ivy, and my sisters-in-law, Rhea, Skye, Ava, and Layla. The six of us were sunbathing while the guys were in the pool.
The first one in the pool had been Liam, but that was because Roselle had begged him to take her in. He was her favorite uncle—and he loved her to pieces—and the two of them were inseparable.
Wyatt had taken Jack in, but with Cooper’s daughternot in his arms, Marco preparing for his first child, and my brother, Tate, still desperately trying with Ava to have a baby, Jack didn’t stay in any single person’s arms for too long. The little guy was having the time of his life, splashing and kicking in the water.
My parents and grandparents were sitting on the covered patio with Cooper and Skye’s new baby girl, Lillian. Just two days after her visit to my bakery the day I’d met Beau, Skye had given birth. And yet, she still managed to show up for me today.
Lillian arriving a couple of weeks ago was perfect for my parents and grandparents, because while they liked the outdoors enough, they preferred to be out of direct sunlight. Of course, if Rosie dragged them out, they wouldn’t hesitate. And it would be the same for Jack, Lily, and the rest of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren that came along. Fortunately for them, at the moment, they could use Lily as an excuse to stay right where they were.
And with everyone around me, all the happiness and love and romance and babies, I had to be honest with myself. No matter that it hadn’t bothered me so much before, I felt jealousy and longing now. Was I ever going to have what all my siblings now had?
“I’ve known you for twenty-five years now, Jules,” Ivy declared, her voice breaking into my thoughts. She was on the lounger right beside me. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this subdued on your birthday.”
I rolled my head along the back of the seat to look in her direction. “Pardon?”
With one hand resting on her slightly rounded belly, she looked at me from under the brim of her sun hat. “You seem like you’ve got something on your mind. Is everything okay?”
I should have opted for sunglasses instead of my own sun hat, if only to have some hope of hiding what was really happening inside my head and heart. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
The way my voice pitched up gave me away.
“Uh oh,” Ava murmured from Ivy’s opposite side. “Something’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing,” I lied.
“So, there really is something wrong?” Layla asked from the chair immediately on my left side.
I sighed.
Really, what was the point of hiding it? Maybe talking about it would help me feel better about everything.
“I met someone.”
I couldn’t keep my eyes on all of them at the same time, but I heard several gasps, and Rhea shot up in her seat. “Are you serious?”
The guys looked in our direction, concern littering their features.
I didn’t immediately say anything, waiting for them to return to their own conversation. The last thing I needed was my brothers and Marco, who was like a brother to me, worried about some guy making me cry.
