Page 36 of Rebel Heart
My throat was painfully tight. All I wanted to do was cry. “This feels worse than that did. At least that guy never pretended to care or be interested.”
It was as though I’d slapped him across the face.
God, this was crazy.
I hadn’t even known Beau a whole month, and I’d allowed myself to believe there was something between us, that I’d found the same thing my brothers and sister had already found.
“I realize I haven’t known you that long, but I honestly didn’t think this was the kind of guy you were. You said and did all the right things to make me believe you liked me.”
“I do like you,” he insisted.
“Yeah. You only like me enough to fuck me.”
“That’s not true. If I was a guy who was looking to settle down with someone, I swear you’d be exactly what I was looking for.”
I didn’t know if he thought that was supposed to make me feel any better, but it didn’t. It only made me curious. “Why?”
“Why, what?”
“Why aren’t you interested in a real relationship? Areyou just a player who wants to get as many women to sleep with him as he can? That’s the only thing that makes sense to me as to why you’d have no interest in something permanent and special.”
For a long time, Beau didn’t say a word. It was like he was waging an internal battle inside his head, and neither side was winning.
“Two days ago, you asked me if I had any siblings.”
“Yeah. And? You said you were an only child.”
The second the words were out of my mouth, devastation took hold in Beau’s expression. Suddenly, all the anger and sadness I’d been feeling about how he’d viewed what had been between us lessened. That look was filled with loss and sadness.
Linking my fingers with his, I asked, “What is it, Beau?”
“I lied.”
Not exactly the answers I’d been expecting, but I didn’t doubt there was an explanation coming.
Beau’s hand tightened around mine. “Family doesn’t have the same meaning for me that it does for you.”
“Why not?” I asked, keeping any bitterness and hurt out of my tone.
“Because I had a mother whose love was conditional, and a father who didn’t love the family he had that he felt compelled to walk out so he could make a new one.”
I gasped, my free hand coming up to cover my mouth. “What?”
The shutters came down and snapped into place. Whatever the story was there, it appeared I wasn’t goingto get it. “I’m sorry, Jules. I just need you to understand that, to believe that. The way I feel is not in any way a reflection on you and how wonderful I think you are.”
“I’m not sure what you think I should say right now. I’m not sure what I could say.” I pulled my hand out of Beau’s grasp, dropped my gaze to my lap, and shook my head with disappointment. “I feel like such an idiot.”
“You shouldn’t. This was all my fault.”
“Was it?” I fired back. When he seemed uncertain about my response, I reminded him, “You just told me that I led you to believe that all I wanted was sex. Evidently, I’m going to have to do some work on learning the difference between flirting with someone you feel an unexplainable connection and chemistry with and being an outright whore.”
“Jesus, Jules, I’m not saying that.” He raked his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t think that about you at all.”
“Are you sure about that? Because it appears that’s all I was good for.” Tears welled in my eyes. “I think you should go.”
“I don’t want to leave things like this.”
Tears filled my eyes. “It pains me to say I no longer care what you want.”
