Page 128 of Coldwire
Kieren’s arm lifts. His hand hovers beside me for a moment, idling in the air. With the next gust of the wind, his palm touches my cheek, as gently as a leaf falling onto a still pond.
My anger finds an easy target with Kieren. I can kick and scream at him over the betrayal of his compliance, his role in throwing me to NileCorp. But he’s not the one at fault. He’s not the idea I’m mourning. I droop forward, my forehead pressing into Kieren’s warm collar, and I don’t have any more fight left in me. His arms wind into place at once, one hand along my hair and one on my back. He’s shaking. He’s drenched with the rain. I hardly feel anything other than the pitter-patter of his pulse, pushing through onto my skin.
“We saidMay the best cadet win,” I mumble. “But NileCorp doesn’t care. There’s no fair fight.”
Kieren must hear my intention in those words alone. I haven’t said anything more before he implores, “Don’t, Lia. I need you here.”
I wish I were still the person I was an hour ago, when that sentiment would have meant everything. What I wouldn’t have given for Kieren to declare that I am an integral part of the work we do, the best of the best. Now it only stings, because it’s not enough. If he needs me here, it’s so that NileCorp won’t dock points from his assignment to get me detained.
I pull away. Though I take only one step back, cold air rushes between us at once, widening the distance with an icy bite.
“If we were to finish this posting together,” I say, “you would walk the graduation stage as valedictorian while I’d be held in a back room to process my dad’s treason accusations.”
“But what are they going to do to you if you leave?” he counters. “You’ll be out of NileCorp ranks entirely.”
“Tell Rayna I’ll message her when she’s back in the home server. I’m sorry not to say goodbye.”
“Lia.”
I open my display and click into the main panel. Past the overlay of my display, Kieren is pleading without words, his hands curling into fists at his sides.
“It will be more dangerous for you if you do this,” he says firmly. “They’re going to perceive it as running off.”
“I’ll be out of your way, at least,” I return. “Isn’t that all you’ve wanted? The path to valedictorian cleared?”
“No.” A droplet of water falls from his hair. It trails down his cheek. “Lia, no.”
“Justadmitit. It’s easiest for you if I’m gone. If I’m pulled into the treason claims too, all the better.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” he says harshly. “If that is the cost, I don’t want valedictorian. It’s not worth it.”
I manage a laugh, entirely without humor. I slide along the headings in my display.
“Don’t you think I know what you want well enough by now?”
“You don’t, Lia.”
My vision turns red. Suddenly I’m furious enough to close my display, all my attention focusing on Kieren.
“Can you at least have the decency not to pretend you care about me—”
“I’m not,” he interrupts, “pretending.”
“You don’t have to lie,” I snap. “The only reason you’re resistant at all is yourguilt. I’m releasing you from it, Kieren! You’re not at fault. You had no choice—fine!”
“Lia—”
“But don’t tell me,” I go on, “that it’s not worth it. Don’t tell me to stay if only to relieve your own fault in this.”
“That’s not it.”
“There’s no other—”
“I want you to stay where I can see you, where you can’t be hurt,” Kieren says indignantly, “because Iloveyou.”
I rock back on my heels. My anger snaps away, entirely engulfed by bewilderment. I blink once, then again, and the rapid motion is uncontrollable enough that my display opens itself up again, ready for use.
“You—what?”
