Page 117 of Rivals
“First of all, I wanted to thank you for tonight,” she began, striving for upbeat and casual. Maybe if she acted like this wasn’t a big deal, Teddy wouldn’t either. “It meant a lot to me that you stayed at the party, after everything.”
“I promised that I would host the party with you, and Idon’t go back on my promises,” he said stiffly. “That’s why I’m the one you picked out of your parents’ binder, isn’t it? Because you knew I’d be good at the job?”
There was nothing she could say, because Teddy was right, at least a little. Her parents had included him on her list of eligible suitors for that very reason—because he was smart and mannered, and could chat easily with the sovereigns of foreign nations.
“Teddy…,” she began helplessly.
“It’s fine. I’m always happy to be your arm candy,” he replied, sounding so unlike himself that Beatrice recoiled.
“Stop being like this! You know I love you!”
He sighed, softening, and opened the door wider. “You might as well come in.”
It was a lukewarm invitation, but Beatrice came inside. Teddy sat on the edge of the bed, and even though she wanted so desperately to sit next to him, she perched on the edge of the armchair instead.
“I’m sorry,” she said again. “You were right, I shouldn’t have told Louise about Connor. It was just…. I’ve never had a close friend before, not the way Sam has Nina. And it was sonice,taking to someone who’s struggling with all the same things that I am.”
“It’s more than the fact you told Louise about Connor,” Teddy said heavily, and Beatrice flinched a little at the strangeness of hearing him say Connor’s name.
Teddy ran his hands over the coverlet. “I’m not sure how I fit in your life right now. I always expected you to come first in a lot of things, as queen. But I hoped that I could help—be your ally, your sounding board. That when you wanted to talk things out with someone, you would lean on me.”
“I do,” Beatrice protested.
“Do you? Lately, it’s felt like the times you’re happiest are when you’re with Louise, doing fun single-girl things. Goingto parties on a yacht and playing poker, jetting off to Versailles for the weekend.”
A flicker of irritation shot through Beatrice. “Those things weren’t as bad as you’re making them sound. I wasn’t acting like Samantha in her party-princess days, dancing on tables in Vegas. I went with a friend to see her sick father!”
“I didn’t mean it as criticism. I’m just worried,” Teddy said flatly. “Our political relationship is inherently imbalanced, but that doesn’t mean ourpersonalrelationship should be. I thought we were equal partners in this.”
“We are,” she insisted.
Teddy’s eyes were very blue and very steady as they met hers. “I’m not afraid of the life we’re building together. When I signed that document of renunciation, I did it gladly, because I knew it brought us one step closer to that life. But I don’t know if I can say the same for you.”
This time, Beatrice didn’t protest, because she had no idea what to say.
“Relationships always involve a measure of give and take,” he went on after a moment. “I’m not concerned about the fact that I need to flex for you and your position, but rather, that I’m flexing without any recognition on your part.” He paused. “You never mentioned the document of renunciation on any of our phone calls these past weeks, not even once.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to bring it up,” she offered, knowing it wasn’t enough.
“You could’ve started with thank you,” Teddy said quietly.
“Except I’m not sure I wanted you to sign that document at all! I’mscared,Teddy!”
His eyes widened a little at the vehemence of her words. “Scared of what?”
“I’m scared of being queen! I’m scared of feeling lonely. I’m scared my position will drive us apart, create a wedgebetween us as time goes on.” She swallowed. “Most of all, I’m scared of losing you. You gave up everything for me, and we don’t even have a job for you to do!”
Her words echoed around the room. Teddy splayed his hands on the mattress and let out a breath. “Why didn’t you talk to me about any of this?”
“I wanted to, but I didn’t know how,” Beatrice confessed. And then some spiteful and awful part of herself added: “I thought maybe you were keeping something from me, too.”
Teddy blinked. “What?”
“When we talked on the phone, I had this feeling that you were keeping something from me. I assumed that it wasn’t going well—training Lewis to be the future duke, transitioning everything to him. I was afraid to ask, because I didn’t want you to admit what was going on, in case it made you resent me.”
Something flashed in Teddy’s eyes, and Beatrice pressed further. “Was I right?”
“In a way, yes. You’re right that I was keeping something from you.”
