Page 79 of The Dazzling Heights
“Um …” She wasn’t sure she wanted to get into it, not with Cord. She ran her hands over her arms, feeling suddenly cold at the memory.
He shrugged wordlessly out of his school blazer and held it out to her. Rylin accepted it gratefully. She remembered the last time she’d worn a jacket of Cord’s—when they’d been in Paris and he’d draped it chivalrously around her, his hands brushing her bare shoulders. That felt like so long ago.
“Thank you,” she said, sliding her hands into the sleeves. There was a loose button in the front pocket. She played with it idly, the plastic cool on her fingers. It was nice to know that even Cord’s buttons fell off.
“I’m sorry I was an ass to you about going to LA,” he said, trying again. “You asked me to be happy for you, and I really am. Not to mention, really proud of you.”
Rylin looked down. “Don’t be. I’m not sure I even deserved it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Just that you were right.” Feeling a flush of shame rise to her cheeks, Rylin told him how Xiayne had kissed her at the cast party the final evening.
“What the hell, Rylin? Are you serious? He should be fired for that.” Cord started to stand up, as if to go confront Xiayne this very minute. Rylin put a hand on his to still him.
Cord’s eyes darted to hers at the touch, and she quickly pulled her hand away, scalded.
“No,” she said slowly. “I don’t want to get him fired. It was wrong of him, but he wasn’t aggressive or … forceful about it. He was just being stupid.”
Cord watched her closely. “It’s still not okay,” he said at last.
“Of course it’s not.” Rylin fumbled for a way to explain it to him, that she wasn’t angry about the kiss so much as hurt by its implications. She wanted to go back to being the star holography student, the prodigy whose Oscar-winning professor had invited her cross-country to help because she was so talented—instead of what she was now: the assistant whose director had hit on her. Evensheknew that that was a tired Hollywood cliché, and she’d only spent one week there.
“I just thought he wanted me there for real. But in the end, you were right,” she said wearily.
Cord flinched at the reminder of what he’d said. “I’m really sorry that I was.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to drop the class.”
“You can’t quit!” Cord exclaimed. “Don’t you see that if you do, you’ve let Xiayne win?”
“But how can I face him again after what happened?”
Cord gave a strange sigh, as if he wanted to be frustrated with her, but wasn’t. “There’s another holography class—intro level, taught by a professor who’s been here forever. The class is mostly freshmen, and it’ll probably be too slow for you, but it’s better than nothing. If you have to, you should at least switch to that.”
Rylin murmured her thanks and reached for a blade of grass, rubbing it thoughtfully between a thumb and forefinger. “I just wonder, sometimes, if my being at Berkeley wasn’t some huge mistake. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t exactly fit in here.” She laughed, a laugh that was as dry as the leaves whispering above them.
“It wasn’t a mistake. You’re talented. Don’t ever let anyone make you think otherwise,” Cord declared, with a conviction that startled her.
“Why do you care, anyway?” Rylin heard herself ask.After what I did to you, she thought, but didn’t have to say.
Cord took a moment to answer. “I never stopped caring what happened to you, Rylin. Even after everything that happened between us.”
I never stopped caring what happened to you.That meant that he still cared even now, didn’t it? But did he care as a friend … or something more?
Cord brushed off his navy uniform pants and stood up, and Rylin knew the moment was over. “We should be getting back. I can’t afford to lose my job as TA. It’s the only extracurricular on my college applications,” he said lightly. He held out a hand to pull her to her feet. Where their skin touched it sent electric vortices down Rylin’s nerve endings, all the way to her toes.
“What, street racing old driver-cars out in the Hamptons doesn’t count?” Rylin teased, and was rewarded with a smile at the shared memory.
The whole walk back, some new feeling was pressing at Rylin, subdued and insistent and joyful and terrifying, and she didn’t dare look at it too closely in case she was mistaken.
But as the tour guide droned on, she kept sneaking glances at Cord’s profile, wondering what it all meant.
AVERY
MONDAY AFTERNOON, AVERYstepped off the monorail in New Jersey and pulled her navy coat tighter around her shoulders. She began the walk up to Cifleur Cemetery, ignoring the lone hover that detected her movements and began to float alongside her, flashing a hopeful green to indicate that it was free. Avery needed the walk right now. She’d woken up this morning feeling listless and hollow, her pillow soaked with tears. No matter how hard she worked at it during the day, every night she forgot that she and Atlas were over, and then she had to wake up and remember the cold harsh truth all over again.
She felt isolated and lonely, and worst of all, she couldn’t eventalkto anyone about it. She’d thought fleetingly of Leda, but although they were making peace, the whole Atlas thing was still too raw for Avery to discuss it with her. She really missed Eris.
