Page 88 of The Fangirl Project
“Cerys, you’ve been holding out on us! Look at hislegs! Look at his butt!”
“I can’t say I’ve ever noticed his butt…”
“Too busy ogling his pointy ears,” she teases, and I flush—not because she’s right this time, but because that’sexactlythe sort of thing I was worried about them saying.
But the general consensus is that, yes, Maxishot in that edgy, interesting, Adam Driver–esque way, even if they also find the cosplay thing strange, and stare at me too hard when I say things like “pauldrons” and “bandolier.”
“So is it like…” Chloe’s eyes go wide, suggestive, and she’s blushing when she whispers,“Role play?”
“Oh, no, that’s LARPing. Live action role play.”
Again, they stare at me, and I realize I’ve become someone who knows what LARPing is.
“Kinky,” Nikita deadpans.
“Omigod notthatkind of role play!” I cry, laughing, realizing I’ve misunderstood. “I thought you meant like when people go to those renaissance fairs and get dressed up and pretend they’re actually an elf warrior or something. Not likethat.”
“Hmm, I don’t know,” Daphne murmurs, taking my phone to look again at the Brayden Brown selfie. “The wig’s kind of hot.”
Now it’s her turn to feel the full force of everyone’s stare.
“What! I’ve seen a lot of TikToks of Henry Cavill inThe Witcher.Itishot.”
“Are you a secret nerd, too?” Chloe teases her.
Daphne rolls her eyes and hands my phone back. “Nope, just a sucker for a good jawline. Not, obviously, that there’s anything wrong with being a nerd and liking that stuff, Cerys, it’s just, um, it’s not for me, I don’t think.”
“R-right, yeah, th-thanks.”
They’re not going to cut me loose or mock me. They’re not going to shun me. They don’t necessarilygetit, but…
Max was right; I don’t have to pretend the things I like don’t matter to me just for other people’s sake. I don’t have to make my life smaller to accommodate whattheythink is right, just because it’s “the done thing.”
I’m still reeling, waiting for the other shoe to drop with bated breath, when Chloe bursts out with—
“I’m a Twitch streamer!”
“You’re what?” Nikita says. “Like, video games?”
She nods, and bites her lip before saying, “I fell into an internet hole during lockdown and got really into collecting Pokémon, and then I started playing the video games, and now I have twenty-three thousand followers.”
“And you didn’t tell us…why?” Daphne cries, outrage written all over her face. I wince on Chloe’s behalf, and Chloe stammers while Daphne barrels on, ignoring her. “I cannot believe we’ve been friends for eight years and you’venever,not once, mentioned this! I could’ve been throwing youPokémon-themed birthday parties! Buying you socks covered in Pikachu for Christmas, instead of ones with horses!”
“I still like horses,” she says. “But, um, sometimes I’m not at show-jumping classes. I’m streaming.”
“This ismadness.” Daphne snatches her phone up and narrows her eyes at Chloe. “Now tell me where to find your channel so you can have twenty-three thousand and one followers. Also, Cerys, should I block Jake on Instagram? That seems appropriate.”
“I think we should get drunk and DM him to call him out on being such a gumball,” Nikita says, making Evie groan and mutter into her hands, “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”
I shake my head, smiling. “You don’t need to block him. And I don’t want to call him out. I’ll…I need to deal with it. He’s avoiding me, but we’ve been friends for too long to justfizzle outlike this. If he doesn’t want me around anymore, I want him to tell me. And not over a drunk text.”
“Fair,” Nikita says, and that’s all we say of Jake before we make Twitch accounts to follow Chloe’s channel, and then after enough pestering I cave and let them read some of my fanfictions, which gives us all a good giggle.
Later, I text Anissa to wish her a happy New Year, and then ring in midnight with a shouted countdown and Buck’s Fizz with the girls, feeling light and giddy in a way that has nothing to do with the drinks.
It feels like a good way to put the past year to rest, even if something is still missing.
OWAR Discord #324
