Page 74 of The Fangirl Project
Him.
All thoughts of resuming our kiss (andoh my GOD, that KISS!And also,oh my God, I kissed MAX!) go up in smoke because Jake is standing in the open doorway, face ashen, mouth hanging open as he stares at us.
There are tears in his eyes.
He doesn’t look like he just caught some of his friends kissing at a party; he looks like he’s been stabbed in the back.
No no no, this isnothappening.
Max clocks me looking over his shoulder—my expression must shift, but I don’t know what he finds there. Guilt? Horror? Regret? All of the above, probably—and he starts to turn around, too.
Anissa is just behind Jake in the doorway. She stares at me and Max with wide eyes, but there’s only ordinary surprise on her face.
Not like on Jake’s.
And oh, God,Jake.
A firework booms in the sky, a hollow sound I feel inside my chest, and I flinch.
“I—” I start, but have nothing to say for myself.
I kissed Max.Max!One single stupid truce and suddenly—this happens? What was I thinking?
Why did it have to be such awonderfulkiss?
And, also, WHY AM I STILL CLINGING TO HIM?
I snatch my arms from around Max’s neck, as if that’s going to make any difference right now. His hands fall away from holding me, too.
“How could you?” Jake whispers, staring at me.
“Jake—” I don’t know what to say to him, I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t know why he cares when—
Oh, no.
How could I—because I had that same thought seeing him with Anissa: how couldhe?
Because it wasn’t that I’d lost my chance, wasn’t that I never had one…
How could I—because Jake is in love with me like I’ve been in love with him for so long, and must have been too scared to risk our friendship just like I was.
Why else would he be so upset over me kissing someone else?
Oh God, I’ve ruined everything, for one reckless, foot-pop-worthy kiss.
My heart hammers in my chest, and all I can do is stare because Jake’s in love with me, too, and this is the best news and the worst news and I have to fix it, I have to…
Jake bolts past us, into the house, and I peel out from between Max and the wall to follow him, only pausing to snap, “Don’tfollow me,” at Max. I can’t undo the kiss, I know that, but I do know that he can only make things worse right now.
I catch Jake’s arm in the hallway, tugging him to a halt.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I don’t know what happened, I—”
“You don’t evenlikehim!”
“I—”
Oh shit, I’m really not as subtle as I think, am I? He knows, he’s probably known all along, he probably thought that inviting us both to watchOWARwas a good way to help me get along with his new mate…No wonder he cut me out of things like their cosplay-crafting for Comic Con when he knew I didn’t like Max!
