Page 99 of Beautiful Revenge
My relationship with my dad may seem like a complicated one to those on the outside.
I guess in the big scheme of things, it is.
And, still, it’s not.
He and I watched my mom fight cancer for two years. I remember every day of it. It was the longest two years of my life, while they also felt like a blink when she took her last breath.
I was twelve when we lost her.
Twelve.
I wasn’t a kid, and I wasn’t yet a teenager. It’s a tricky age.
Twelve-year-olds need their moms. I was lost in grief, but also just plain lost.
I remember waking up in the middle of the night when it was close to the end. Dad was sitting in the great room, sunk into a big leather chair, and staring out at the city that never sleeps. He was probably three-quarters of the way to drunk, but I didn’t know it at the time. His words were slurring, but I thought he was tired.
“Go back to bed, Harlow,” he mumbled.
“I got up for water. I’m thirsty.” That was a lie. I couldn’t sleep and wanted to check on Mom.
He looked over at me. His eyes werebarely open as he took a sip of the stinky amber liquid he only drank at night. “I need you to remember something and never forget.”
I frowned because he didn’t tell me anything. “Um, okay?”
“A problem isn’t a problem if it can be fixed with money. You got it?”
I crossed my arms over my nightgown. I had no idea what he meant, but I also didn’t feel like being lectured about something I didn’t care about.
“Got it?” he pressed and took another drink long enough to finish the glass.
I shrugged, because all I wanted to do was sneak into the room where they put mom with the special bed and all the monitors. There were people there all day and night taking care of her. “Yeah. Got it.”
He must have sensed my lie because he leaned forward and put his elbows to his knees. The ice cube clanged in the crystal when he pointed to me with it. “You’ll always have money to solve the problems that don’t matter. I’ll fix every fucking problem for you, Harlow. I might not be the best dad in the world, but I’ll work my ass off to make sure that everything in your life that doesn’t mean shit can be fixed with money.”
My eyes widened at his outburst. Mom never let him curse around me, but that night he let loose.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I mean, thank you, I guess.”
His tone turned rough as he dragged a hand down his face. That’s when I realized he was crying. I’d never seen him cry before. He turned back to the city lights so I could only see his profile. “I’d give every fucking dollar I have to fix your mom, but I can’t. It’s the one problem I can’t fix.”
My chest tightened. I turned on my bare feet and ran silently through the long halls to Mom.
The tones from the machines cut through the night and sounded louder than they did during the day.
The nurse turned when she saw me. “What are you doing, Harlow? It’s the middle of the night.”
“She still hasn’t woken up?” It had been two days.
The nurse’s small smile disappeared into a thin line. “No, sweetie. I’m sorry.”
I nodded, hugged myself across my chest, and walked slowly to the side of her bed. She lost her hair the year before and stopped wearing the wig when she was too sick to leave our home. Her skin was pale and gray, and she was skinnier than she’d ever been.
But she was still my beautiful mom.
I sat in the recliner Dad moved in there so he could sleep next to her. I curled up and pulled a blanket over me. “I’m just going to sit here for a while.”
The nurse brushed my messy hair from my face. She was nice, but I didn’t know her name. There were so many in and out during that time. “I’ll be right here if you need anything, okay?”
