Page 55 of Awakened
It was too dark to see, but I knew Bonnie was blushing as Taylor bounced excitedly and slapped their best friend’s arm.
“Yeah. We talked last night. She’s coming back to St. Louis and moving back in. Wild, right? I shouldn’t—but I—and she . . .” Bonnie shook her head and smiled.
Taylor grabbed her hand. “No, Bon. If that’s what you want, that’s what you should do. You only broke up because she left. Did she get transferred again?”
“Yeah. She saw an opening at the St. Louis branch and requested to return.” She sighed, and her smile got wider and dopier. “She told me she loved Denver, but not as much as she missed and loved me.” Realizing she had shared more than she wanted, her eyes widened, and she stammered. “I mean—Oh shit, I sounded like a lovesick teenager. This is going to be myStar Warscosplay, isn’t it?”
Without missing a beat, I said, “Yup.” Brittany followed up with, “Absolutely.”
Taylor glared at us and turned back to Bonnie. “Don’t listen to them. It’s nice to see you all sappy and over the moon.”
As if on cue, Sarah snored loudly and mumbled, “Not the Nutella.”
Bonnie, Taylor, Brittany, and I looked at each other and cracked up.
“Shh. We don’t want to wake up Marie.” Taylor giggled and pointed toward the hallway that led to Marie’s room.
My phone buzzed.
Brandon
No. Seth hasn’t called Grandma Rose this week. I’ll call you tomorrow.
“Who died?”
I glanced up to find Bonnie, Taylor, and Brittany looking at me with concern. I could blame it on the liquor, but I really needed to talk to someone about Seth.
“Uh, my friend that went off the grid last year finally showed up in his dad’s territory but hasn’t checked in since he got there, and I’m worried. It’s not like him not to call. Of course, I haven’t heard from him directly in a year, even when I broke down six months ago and tried to call him. Even when I emailed him asking him just to let me know he was okay. And yes, I promised to give him space and time, but I miss him, right? So, I get my info from Brandon, which is embarrassing and sad. I mean, Seth is my best friend, or was my best friend?”
I shook my head and stood. “Fuck, I’m so mad. Worst part? I was too fucked up to know how I felt, and now it doesn’t matter that I’m ready for him, for us. When he kissed me, I felt that shit in my toes. Why did I stop him?” I threw my hands out in frustration. “I know why. My heart had just been ripped out of my chest. Why couldn’t he just wait for me?” I stopped pacing and stared out the window at the storm. “Okay, that’s not fair. I know it’s not.”
There was a bright flash of lightning and a loud boom. Taking a deep breath, I said more calmly, “I’ve taken time off work to go with my brother to bring him back, so now I’m a ball of nerves. What if he won’t come back? What if he does? What do you all think?”
When I finally turned back to them, my three friends sat slack-jawed and speechless. Sarah’s soft snores, punctuated by thegrandfather clock in the corner, were the only sounds in the room. I might have been hammered, but it felt like an eternity before anyone responded.
“Okay. Huh. That was a lot, Les,” Taylor said, slightly shaking their head.
Bonnie took a crack at the info dumped at her feet. “So, less than two months after Aiden fucked you up, Seth kissed you. It was good, but you freaked out. He left, and you gave him space. He hasn’t talked to you since, despite you trying. You’re finally ready for a relationship, but it doesn’t matter. Oh, and you get to go fetch him?” Bonnie looked at me like she’d solved a complicated equation.
“Pretty much.”
Brittany tilted her head, and her eyebrows pinched together. “What about Zach? I know you guys aren’t official, but you don’t feel anything for him?”
I sighed. The tequila made my mind swim and my face numb. I pinched my bottom lip between my thumb and forefinger and pulled, trying to come up with an answer. “We haven’t hooked up in a few months, since before I became Beta. I’m trying to figure shit out. I feel warm and fuzzy with him. Safe, you know? I love him, but I’m not in love with him. There’s no fire.” I shrugged. “He isn’t in love with me either.”
“Psh. If Zach isn’t in love with you, it’s only because you aren’t available to be loved right now. Maybe you both haven’t given each other a chance. You’ve been waiting for Seth to come back, and Zach’s been waiting for you to bail.” I opened my mouth, but Taylor raised their hand to stop me. “All I’m saying is, you don’t know if Seth will come back, but you do know that you and Zach have good foundations.” They shrugged and slouched back down. “Just something to consider.” Taylor was always the voice of reason, no matter how much I hated it.
I needed to stop spiraling.
“You’re right. I’m just not sure if I can give Zach that chancewhen I am so tied up in the what-ifs with Seth. I’m truly fucked, aren’t I?”
“Yup.” Bonnie nodded and patted my shoulder.
Tequila hangovers are a bitch.
The next morning, I woke up with my legs propped up on the couch and my head on Bonnie’s stomach. The blinds were wide open, and the sun was giving me a proper “fuck you, good morning.” I righted myself, groaning so loud I woke Bonnie up. Cautiously looking around the room, I found it empty. Everyone else was in the kitchen, quietly chatting.
“Breakfast?” I grunted at Bonnie.
