Page 156 of Awakened
Seth’s smile grew into a full-blown grin. Before he could ruin what I viewed as a generous offer, I turned and left the clearing.
Walking back, I felt anxious about letting Seth back in as a friend. What if he fucked it up again? What if he couldn’t give me the time I needed to rebuild that trust?
What if I self-sabotaged and couldn’t keep it in my pants?
TWENTY-NINE
Small groups stood around the farmhouse and barn. Facing the ground, I tried to make it to the house before I had to interact with anyone while looking like a greaseball. I still had blood in my hair from the fight, my nails had enough dirt under them to plant an herb garden, and I was certain my breath could kill.
Dodging well wishes and thanks, I finally made it to the sanctuary of my ensuite. I turned the water on as hot as it would go and let it beat down on my shoulders. The filth swirled down the drain, the water never running clear.
I lathered citrus shampoo onto my scalp. Fruity and light, it washed away the clumps of blood and dirt lodged in my hair. The smell woke me up, forcing me to think about shit I wasn’t ready to.
I would never be able to use my cheap shower products without thinking about Zach. It’d be a weird form of remembrance every time I showered. A small laugh left my lips at the inappropriateness of reminiscing about him while bathing, but that was me and Zach, inappropriate and unconventional.
Tears slowly rolled down my cheeks, the laughter turning into quiet sobs. Grief overwhelming me, I slid down the shower wall with shampoo still in my hair and my hands covered in suds.
In one night, everything had changed. Zach’s name repeated in my mind as I replayed his last moments over and over—his hallucinations of Grace, the small smile he had at the thought of being with her.
I wanted to be happy that he at least found peace, but I selfishly wanted him with me. No part of my new reality promised to be easy, and now I would live it without him by my side.
Regret bubbled up when I thought about all the secrets I kept from him. My entire body shook as I wailed into the tile wall. I’d done it to keep him safe and away from danger, but in reality, I was no better than Seth. Both of us decided what was best for everyone else. Both of us thought we could carry the burden alone.
I kept my secrets that whole time, relying on Zach’s constant support to keep me sane. I should’ve trusted him more. He could’ve handled it.
A knock startled me, and I clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs.
“Celeste? Honey? We’re going to start the memorial in fifteen. Come down to the barn whenever you’re ready.”
Grandma Rose walked away before I could even try to respond. My breathing came out fast as I tried to calm down. Hiccups squeezed my chest, making my entire midsection ache.
I slowly stood, rinsing the shampoo from my hair. I finished cleaning myself as quickly as possible, still crying and murmuring apologies to Zach and the universe for being a headstrong fool.
Dragging my hand across the foggy mirror, I took a long, hard look at myself. Dark circles rounded my bloodshot eyes. I expected to see a dullness of life there to match the desolation I felt inside, but instead, my eyes glowed. The blue-green shined like never before.
“What the fuck?” I leaned into the mirror, my breath fogging it up a bit.
Peering into my eyes, there was a flash of gold. Stumbling back, I knocked into the wall. “It’s official, I’m losing it.”
Without looking back into the mirror, I combed my hair and put it in a braid. Tightening my towel, I searched my bag for something appropriate to wear. I had only packed clothes for training and physical activity.
Dressed in black, spandex workout clothes, I snuck into the back of the barn as Marie spoke.
“We will never forget the sacrifice made by the five fallen. We can only make sure they did not die in vain.”
Heads nodded as Marie moved back to her seat on the small stage. Whitney stood and took the podium.
“Good afternoon. I am Whitney Williams, former Luna of the Blue Moon Pack. Normally, my mate would be addressing you, but he is still healing from the battle.”
She briefly glanced toward the house where the injured were being treated. “I first want to give my deepest condolences to all the families, friends, and pack members of the fallen. They fought bravely on the side of what is right and will never be forgotten. With that in mind, we must acknowledge how our world has changed and how we can honor their sacrifices.
“My mate and I have reassessed our roles in this community. Our decision to attend The Gathering put our pack in danger and ultimately led to the death of our pack member Hannah Marin.”
I shook my head in disbelief. Hannah was only twenty. How did she slip into combat?
“There are no words to describe our grief at the loss of such a precious soul. While words may evade us, action does not. I have stepped down as Luna, and Aiden Williams has handed the title of Alpha to Brandon Spencer. Alpha Spencer was born to lead the Blue Moon Pack, as he has proven time and time again.”
Murmurs spread through the crowd, but Whitney kept her head held high. “Though born into our positions, we have proven not to be the best leaders for our pack. Blood does not guarantee someone has what it takes to be an alpha or luna—” Whitney glanced back to Marie and Rose. “Something I struggled to understand but which was perfectly illustrated this weekend.”
