Page 46 of Awakened
“You’re still in love with Aiden.” He said it with so much finality and hurt that my heart began to race. I waslosing him.
“I am. I don’t want to be, but I fucking am. I hate it. I want to love you, to be in love with you. I want to own myself again. He’s just rooted so deep in here—” I patted my chest. “I don’t know how to get him out.”
Seth’s gaze softened, and he grabbed my hand again. I tried to compose myself while it looked like Seth puzzled something out.
“I get that. I really do. I guess I’m just confused because of this whole Zach thing.”
“It’s not the same, Seth. He knows about Aiden and that we can’t be anything serious. Honestly, I didn’t expect him or whatever we are right now. I still don’t know if I can get close to him in that way. He’s becoming a friend.”
Seth frowned, his jaw tightening. “I can’t tell you how much it hurts to watch you with him. I’ve spent so many years jealous of you and Aiden.” He glanced down at our connected hands. “I cherished every moment I got to spend with you. Every terrible movie we watched, every run through Thousand Hills, every time I got to be the shoulder you cried on when Aiden was being a dick or was just not there. Now, some new guy gets to swoop in and be there for you.” He sucked in a breath and held it. Exhaling, he said, “You’re going to fall for him.”
That set me off.
Is he for real? What a fucking hypocrite.
I tore my hand from his. “Are you serious right now? Did you fall for that woman last night? Did sleeping with her cure you of your supposed love for me? Or was she just someone to pass the time with?” As the words tumbled from my mouth, I knew the whole situation was going downhill fast. Seth’s face turned red, and his scowl deepened to the point that I didn’t know if he would ever look happy again.
“That’s not the same.”
“Really? From where I’m sitting, it is. You’re with other people when you can’t be with the person you love. Right?” I paused, but he didn’t respond. “I’m doing the same thing. I’mtrying to distract myself from all the shit. I can’t be with Aiden and don’t want to be alone.”
“Then let me love you, Les. Let me be there for you. You’re already running from Aiden. Don’t run from me too.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he shifted closer, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. “I know you can’t love me the way I love you right now, but I don’t care. I just want you however I can have you.”
I shook my head, swallowing back the lump in my throat. “I can’t do that to you. I can’t have you constantly wondering if I have finally stopped loving Aiden. You deserve to be the center of someone’s world, not a fill-in, and I can’t make you my world right now. With time, maybe, but right now? Any man in my life is just a distraction from what I lost.”
“So that’s it? You get to tell me what I deserve? What I should want? No. No!” He stood and started pacing. “I should have kissed you that night. I should have made you mine. Then we wouldn’t be here now.” He tugged at the hair on the top of his head. “If I had just fucking kissed you. You wouldn’t have some other guy’s scent all over you.” He threw his hand out. “All over your bed.”
“Who knows what would’ve happened if you had kissed me, but you didn’t, and Aiden and I were together for seven more years.”
Seth stopped pacing, his expression determined. He stalked around the bed and roughly grabbed me by the waist.
“Seth. Don’t?—”
His lips landed on mine with a punishing force. Our bodies molded to one another, and his erratic heartbeat raced against mine. Ragged breaths escaped through our noses as he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. With his teasing bite, warmth spread through my body. I couldn’t get enough of the feeling.
He lifted my thighs, forcing them around his waist. My back hit the cold wall as Seth pushed us closer together. The dizzying desire to feel all of him surged through me.
I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled at the root, earning a delicious growl. His chest vibrated against mine, fueling the fire raging between our bodies. Reaching for the hem of my shirt, Seth slid one hand up my ribs, and goosebumps prickled in its wake.
Maybe it was the stress of all the changes in my life, but I’d never felt anything as intense as Seth kissing or touching me. Hell, nothing had even come close since?—
“Seth. Stop.” I tried to pry myself from his chest, but he wouldn’t budge.
“Give me one reason I should.” He trailed kisses from the corner of my mouth down my throat. His lips settled a deep ache in my chest, but I had to stop him. It wasn’t our time.
Regretful as hell, I said, “Because I just started comparing this to the last time I was with Aiden.”
Yep. That killed the mood. Seth looked at me, and I struggled not to drown in the sadness and hurt in his eyes. Instinctively, I leaned forward to kiss it all better, but he set me down and took a step back.
Shaking off my body’s desire to soothe him, I said, “I told you. It’s been less than five minutes, and I’ve already hurt you. I’m not ready. I can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. Maybe after I’ve been away from Aiden for a while and my heart heals, I can be what you deserve.” Trying to lighten the mood, I grabbed his hand and said, “I’m really banking on that whole out of sight out of mind cliché.”
“Trust me, it doesn’t work.” We stared at each other for a solid minute before he leaned into me and gave me one sweet kiss. I knew what it was—another goodbye kiss.
How many of these fuckers am I going to get?
His tongue dipped between my parted lips, tasting me like it would be the last time. I hoped that wasn’t the case. I may have been a confused, hot-ass mess, but it was impossible to ignore that this thing between Seth and me was powerful.
He pulled back, sliding his hands down my arms. Tanglingour fingers together, he squeezed. The intensity in his stare drew me in, demanding I stay in the moment with him despite every cell in my body urging me to run and hide.
