Page 78 of Old Girls Go Greek
I gave a huge sigh, feeling rather sad and yet happy at the same time because we’d had that evening together and it had been so special. That feeling I’d had, that the metaphorical sands of my life were flowing again; that after all the years of feeling ordinary and unimportant, I did matter after all. And it wasn’t just because of Will, although he was a bonus. It was because at last I was seeing myself, as an individual, not just as someone’s wife or mother. Not simply a colleague or neighbour.
‘He was rather lovely,’ I admitted.
‘I’d like to meet him,’ Nicky said carefully, ‘he looks – well – nice. Suitable.’
What on earth did that mean, I wondered. That my daughter approved of a man in my life because he was suitable. In what way? What was she implying? That perhaps he would look after me, be company for me in my old age? Maybe provide me with some sort of undefined security and support?
What she didn’t see was what I saw. That Will was attractive, broad shouldered, intelligent, fun. Nicky would never consider the possibility that her aged mother – me – might have found this man sexy, find the touch of his hand on mine erotic. The scent of his aftershave stimulating, the sound of his voice thrilling. Nicky would never know how I had trembled like a girl when Will threw his jacket around my shoulders, and probably never understand how getting to know him had opened my eyes to so many possibilities.
But then he had left early. I could still remember how I felt when I saw him load his case into the back of Hector’s taxi and being driven off to the airport to catch an earlier flight. He had gone without saying goodbye. And suddenly I felt the silly prickle of tears, which of course was ridiculous.
And after all, what would I be crying about? The childish disappointment at the end of a holiday? Or was it the feeling that although a door had opened in front of me, another behind me had closed?
‘Finished?’ I said brightly, starting to clear away the lunch things onto a tray.
‘That was delicious. What was in that sandwich? You don’t usually do things like that.’
‘Lamb, rocket and tzatziki,’ I said proudly. ‘Greek food is lovely. I’ve decided I’m going to be a bit more adventurous. Now then, how are things going at the library? I was so glad to hear you have a bit of a reprieve.’
‘Not bad actually. Joyce has revived the after-school reading club, and she’s even printed out some certificates. Kids love those, don’t they? And I am going to start up a mother and toddler reading circle three times a week. Now that there are all those new houses, there are loads of young families moving in. It’s hard for some of the new mums to make friends sometimes.’
‘It’s not so easy for the old mums either,’ I said, ‘and women my age don’t have toddler groups and the school gate meetings to find kindred spirits. And just because we are retired it doesn’t mean we all want to knit or make cakes all the time. If you had met some of the women I was on holiday with, you’d know that. There were three of them, all in what they called The Old Ducks Club.’
‘Actually, that sounds fun.’
‘They were great. They had such a positive outlook. They were my age, maybe a bit older, but it didn’t stop them. Do you know I went on a ringo? One of those inflatable doughnuts towed behind a boat.’
Nicky was genuinely shocked. ‘Did you!’
‘It was such a laugh. And we talked endlessly about everything. In fact, we were told off for not sticking with the group all the time, which I think was what the leader expected. It’s given me a whole new feeling about life. Now that you and Joe are settled, I don’t think I have to just think of myself as a support act any more. And I don’t want you to keep thinking I need looking after and checking up on. And I know you do. There’s a lot more life in me yet.’
‘Wow, I thought you would just come home with a tan and some paintings,’ Nicky said.
‘I do have a tan, and I have a drawing of Costas’s foot,’ I said with a laugh, ‘and I painted a trough of flowers. In a little town where life seemed so much easier. And of course, I know it wasn’t paradise, but it’s shown me that the possibilities are out there, even for me.’
‘This doesn’t sound like you at all,’ Nicky said.
‘Perhaps not, but women my age are still interested in life, in fashion, in seeing the world. If you can find a travel company where a single traveller like me isn’t financially penalised for sole occupancy, please tell me.’
‘That’s an interesting thought, I hadn’t realised that,’ Nicky said.
‘I’d love to go on a cruise, but if I go on my own I’d be stuck in a titchy little cabin with no window. Or have to pay nearly double the cost. And I know the companies have to make money, but you can’t tell me every ship sails without some empty cabins. They could fill those with people like me at the last minute, surely?’
Nicky laughed. ‘Sounds like you have a bee in your bonnet, Mum. This really isn’t like you at all.’
‘No, well, I’ve had time to think about things. And I’ve been looking on the internet too.’
‘Okay. So where are you going next?’
‘I haven’t decided. But it will be somewhere. Maybe Washington to see Auntie Bridget.’
‘And little Newt.’ Nicky chuckled.
‘He’s not little any more, remember he’s only two years younger than you and works in Wall Street.’
‘By the way, while we are on the subject of things changing, I have some news. I didn’t want to tell you until I saw you. I had an email from Dad last night. He’s getting married,’ Nicky blurted out. ‘To Alison. Next month.’
I thought about this for a few seconds. ‘Good for him.’
