Page 58 of The Dolce Vita Divas
At last, he came back.
‘I never wanted to do this; did you know that? This life was not my choice. Ellen was the one who insisted we stay when we had a chance to leave. It was the closest we ever came to a proper argument. And then she did what she always did – she shut down and wouldn’t talk about it. As the years went by, she came to need this place far more than I did. And eventually, more than she needed me. She worked so hard; she was efficient and clever. Almost obsessive about every little detail. Which of course is why she was so successful. But gradually, over the years, this place seemed to become smaller and smaller to me. Until our lives were bound by the layout of the dining room, how the napkins were folded, the way a sprig of redcurrants was placed on a dessert.’
I was astonished then. Could this be true? Had I been wrong about their marriage? I started to feel tense and breathless, quite lightheaded. He had admitted something which would affect my memories of Ellen and our relationship once and for all. It would explain why she never mentioned her own family and seemed to have no attachment to England and the old days other than me and Susie. She’d had this strange ability to be warm and generous and at the same time distant and self-contained.
‘Sometimes I thought about you, remembered the way you made me feel. When we lost touch.’
‘I told you; I lost your address that night,’ I blurted out. ‘I put it in my pocket and when I looked, it was gone. And the next time I saw you, you were with Ellen. It wasn’t like today when people have emails and mobile phones and tracking devices. I didn’t know how to find you. I would have done.’
‘Would you?’
‘Of course I would. I looked for you everywhere.’
‘I looked for you.’
He had looked for me. He hadn’t forgotten me after all. But then he had found Ellen instead. Or perhaps she had found him. I had settled for Greg. How different things might have been.
‘When I saw you again that day, when I came to move into the attic room, I was so happy. But it couldn’t be the same,’ he said.
‘Because of Ellen.’
‘Of course. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew how much my father had hurt my mother over the years, and I was determined not to be that sort of husband. And you said something about not hurting either of you, so in the end I did nothing. Which was also wrong.’
‘How can it have been wrong? Look around you,’ I said. ‘It was all okay in the end, wasn’t it?’
We sat in silence for a while, and the hotel cat, a sleek tabby, came and wound its way around his feet, and Paulo reached down to scratch its ears.
‘I suppose so. I’m beginning to remember so many things about that time, things I thought I had forgotten. But it could have been different, couldn’t it?’
‘Everyone’s lives could be different,’ I said.
He reached out and took my hand, and it felt warm and safe in his.
‘Look, I have an idea,’ Paulo said at last. ‘Today is busy with all these guests and visitors. But by tomorrow things will be calmer. If Susie is – how shall we say – busy, then I want to be with you. I don’t care if the whole place slides off the cliff into the sea! I’ll take you somewhere, show you more of the island than just this place. There are so many delightful spots to visit. But the main thing is I want to spend some time with you.’
His mobile rattled with a text and he checked his phone, frowning as he read the message.
‘Oh, non di nuovo questo. Not again. I really can’t do this any more. I’m so sorry – you must excuse me. Another emergency. Do you see what I mean about having too much wonderful?’
He started to walk towards the hotel, but then he turned and came back. And then in the shade of the lemon tree, he pulled me to my feet, took me in his arms and kissed me. And for a moment I was back in the dark damp night when we had first met, both of us young, our optimism and energy undefeated by life.
‘Don’t go away,’ he murmured.
‘I won’t,’ I said.
I sat down again, my heartbeats skittering. I touched my fingers to my lips where he had kissed me, with the hand he had held. And then one of the young waiters came quickly towards me, a drink on a tray.
‘Compliments of Signor Massimo,’ he said.
And he placed a tequila sunrise on the table in front of me.
Unexpectedly, tears sprang into my eyes. Paulo had remembered.
14
Susie was nowhere to be found when I went back to my room to change and so I expected to spend the rest of the evening alone, and for some reason, I didn’t mind. It was somehow quite pleasant to choose solitude rather than having it forced upon me. I had a lot to think about.
The day had been so busy, so full of meeting people and making small talk, which could always be exhausting, and then the conversation with Paulo, which had set my thoughts racing.
