Page 13 of The Dolce Vita Divas
His wide easy smile. The way he used to sing while he cooked. His passion for all things Italian. Football. Pasta. Wine. The way his hair curled into the nape of his neck. How I hadn’t realised how much I’d loved him until I lost him forever. And I didn’t think he had ever suspected a thing.
* * *
The following morning, I woke at my usual time of six thirty, wondering yet again why I couldn’t sleep in as I used to when I was younger. During my first year at university when we had been in a hall of residence, I remembered those weekends, waking up at midday, stumbling downstairs to the bar, where I would meet up with Susie and we would eat disgusting burgers, allegedly lamb, but who knows what they were, other than the perfect antidote to a hangover.
Thinking about it, I hadn’t slept properly since the day Greg and I had brought our eldest child Jessie back from the hospital. Perhaps that was it. Some primitive parental urge to be constantly on guard. It hadn’t seemed to affect Greg, who had been able to sleep through our children’s teething, colic, nightmares and tantrums.
I made a cup of tea, pulled the curtains open and went back to bed.
Out there it was still raining, probably harder than ever, the rain slanting across my view over the grounds. The avenue of trees that lined the drive were bending in the wind. Not the day for a lovely stroll no matter how glorious the gardens were.
Never mind; it was my birthday. I had things to look forward to. Not least of which was ‘Mixology with Tim’ later that afternoon. I wasn’t going to allow myself to think about Capri, special celebrations or Paulo.
Susie came to bang on my door about thirty minutes later, carolling ‘happy birthday’ in a way that made me hope the other residents nearby had hearing problems.
‘I have presents. And on top of that, I have news,’ Susie added rather mysteriously.
‘Please don’t tell me Simon has moved back in?’ I said.
Although she had never married, Susie had been in an on-off relationship with Simon for four years, a man who, whilst handsome and charming, in the olden days would have been described as a cad and a bounder.
‘I don’t want to talk about him. Much more interesting. Presents first,’ Susie said, grinning.
She had given me the reliable gifts for someone my age: a silk scarf in my favourite shades of blue and white, and a delightful vintage brooch from an antiques shop with my name enamelled on it.
‘Thank you so much,’ I said, ‘I love them. You’re marvellous.’
‘Did the kids remember?’ Susie asked.
‘They did, but I will have my things from them when we get back, when they come over for cake,’ I said, ‘which I expect I will have to make. Now, what is this news, Suz?’
Susie grinned, looking almost exactly as she had the first day I met her when she had charmed my father into helping her with her bags up the four flights of stairs to her student room.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘this morning when I logged on to the internet, which by the way is pathetically slow – perhaps we should move to Latvia if what St Vincent says is true – I had a very exciting email.’
‘And?’ I said as Susie paused for dramatic effect.
‘My friend at the travel agency seems to have been up all night and has found us flights direct to Naples at a great price.’ Susie held up a commanding hand as I drew breath. ‘We are doing this. Stop trying to think of reasons not to go. We have been friends for so long, and Ellen was a part of that. And I think it’s only right that we should have a really fantastic experience, spending lots of time together.Together, to celebrate over forty years of friendship. Paulo still runs that gorgeous hotel in Anacapri, you must remember it, and he says we can stay there as his guests so it’s going to save us loads of money. It will be the low season by then, and I expect they will have plenty of rooms. And that’s the end of the news, so just accept it.’
‘God, you are bossy all of a sudden.’
‘I was thinking about it last night. We’ve all had difficult things to cope with in the last few years. You with Greg behaving like a silly old fool, then you had knee surgery, and the builders making a mess for weeks, then Alex and his divorce dramas. And I deserve it too, because I realise I’m wasting my time with Simon and I’m not doing it for much longer. Come October we are both going to Capri, and that’s an order!’
We started laughing and talking then and had a big hug to celebrate, and feeling very tearful, I realised how suddenly out of the blue rotten things could happen, but also so could great things and I needed to learn to embrace both, not just focus on the bad.
And then I thought how marvellous women could be and how lucky I was to have such a good friend, and I began to feel very excited.
A proper trip away, even if it was for a sad reason. Capri. Sunshine.
And Paulo.
But I’d forgotten all about him for years, hadn’t I? Well, if I hadn’t actually forgotten, I supposed I had filed his memory away in a safe, very secret place. After all, I’d married Greg, and Paulo and Ellen had married and had a son and been so incredibly happy. Ellen had told us they had been. And that was a good thing.
My life now since Greg and I had divorced was restricted to my house, my garden, my routine. The years before that had been filled with work, looking after the children and him. There had never been any time for me. It didn’t have to be like that now, did it? It wasn’t too late to spread my wings, was it? I could also have an adventure. I could do some of the things I had always wanted to do.
And Paulo? We were both adults now. We hadn’t seen each other for decades, and we were different people. We were both in our sixties, proper grown-ups.
Perhaps he had forgotten about the foot spa and the bubble wrap incident? Perhaps he had forgotten that evening when everything changed between us.
