Page 12 of The Dolce Vita Divas
The truth was, I had developed a huge crush on Paulo the first time I saw him. Dark curls, sparkling brown eyes and a wonderful smile. And we had been out together just once, a perfect evening when all sorts of possibilities stretched ahead. And he had kissed me. And then I had lost his address.
Any hope I may have had of any sort of relationship with him were dashed when we met Ellen. She had seemed so lovely, so sweet, so beautiful, that they made a perfect couple, and unlike many of us who had started and finished relationships during our university years, they had gone the distance. I’d bet she had been a much better wife to him than I could ever have been; I had to remember that. But the dull ache of remembering him, being so close to him and yet so far away, never being more than a friend to him, was still, if I dared to think about it, there. Just beneath the surface.
* * *
We sat rather subdued, drinking our tea, and I found some paracetamol for the headache which was looming because of all the unaccustomed alcohol.
‘Can I have one? Just in case?’ Susie asked, holding out her hand.
I laughed then at such a ridiculous situation.
‘So in the past, some of the guests here might have been procuring illegal drugs from some shady character who shouldn’t have been on the premises, and here we are sharing out paracetamol. Talk about living close to the edge. Do you think it costs a lot to go to Capri?’ I asked after a moment. ‘I’ve heard it’s very expensive.’
I knew myself well enough to know I was starting to think of reasons for not going.
‘I heard all the celebrities go there. But would we even know who they were?’ Susie said. ‘I would back in the day if it was Burton and Taylor. Or Audrey Hepburn. Johnny Depp at a push?—’
‘He’s very charismatic,’ I said. ‘Wonderful cheekbones, but he always looks like he needs a good wash.’
‘—but I don’t think I’d know any of the new ones. Most celebs on holiday like to hide way from people during the day or stay out on their yachts, and then only appear at night when they think everyone has gone.’
‘Like woodlice?’ I said.
Susie laughed and carried on talking about Capri, the things she remembered from her visit there. How lovely the hotel was, the food she had eaten, what a shame we had never been there together, and after a while I realised I had been lost in my own memories. I didn’t want to share my feelings with her, not then. So I forced myself back into the conversation before Susie noticed that I was sitting there, silent and thoughtful.
‘If we go it would be in the low season, so perhaps there won’t be any celebrities at all, which hopefully means the flights will be cheaper.’
‘I would like to go but it might be too expensive,’ I said. ‘I’ve just had the bathroom done.’
‘But it is a special occasion. You can’t not go.’
Susie was looking at me with a stern expression, and I felt myself relent.
‘Perhaps I could soften Alex up with a beef Wellington so he will look after the house while I am away, and not have any of his friends round for a rowdy party? That’s always assuming he hasn’t moved out by then. Surely he would have? It’s nearly six months away.’
‘We need to do some research and find out what we would be letting ourselves in for. And then I can formulate a plan. Leave it to me, I still have contacts at the travel agency where I used to work. But for now, I think I should go to bed,’ Susie said. She pulled the band off her plait and tugged at it angrily. ‘God, I’m sick of all this hair. I’ve got a good mind to cut it all off. But Simon likes it so… Look, it’s been a long day, and I’ve drunk far too much. And it’s someone’s birthday tomorrow.’
I sighed. ‘It’s only ten o’clock. Remember when we were students? We would be up until three in the morning at some ghastly discos and still get into lectures at nine the following morning. I used to sit at the back and snooze, and was probably still wearing last night’s makeup.’
‘Gosh, me too,’ she said. ‘I couldn’t do that now. My skin has been awful since I turned sixty. Every morning, I peer in the mirror wondering what I’m going to find. I thought we were supposed to be past all that.’
‘Go on then, push off and I’ll see you in the morning,’ I said, yawning.
‘Birthday girl,’ Susie said with a grin.
She paused in the doorway and turned to look at me before she left.
‘I’ve just remembered. How could I have forgotten? Won’t it be marvellous to see Paulo again after all these years? You went out with him, didn’t you?’
How did I feel? Slightly sick, if I was honest.
‘Oh, you know, fine, and it was only once,’ I said, fetching my dressing gown from the bathroom. From the heat of my face, I was sure I was blushing.
Only when she had gone could I change into my nightie, lie down in bed and close my eyes to remember.
Remember him.
It was awful; all of a sudden; it hurt. It had been so much easier to forget. And yet those memories were still there, impossible to really block out.
