Page 96 of Every Silent Lie
I can’t find the words. Couldn’t speak them if I did. Dropping my head, I pull his face from my neck and look at him. I look at him closer than I’ve ever looked at a man before. And the way he looks at me?
It’s restorative.
I swallow, the words coming to me, but I can’t get them past the lump in my throat. This isn’t a lump caused by grief. It’s a lump triggered by hope. That I could have even some semblance of consistent happiness again has been past my comprehension. “I love you.”
He shakes his head mildly, and plunges his tongue into my mouth, upping the ante, kissing me hard but briefly before tearing his mouth away and gasping down at me. Every drive goes deeper, our bodies rolling together like waves, the pressure building to the point I feel like I’m losing my mind. Sweat starts to dot my skin, my moans become breathy gasps, my light stroking of his back becoming scratches.
The veins in his neck bulge. “I’m coming,” he murmurs. “Camryn, I’m coming.”
His words propel me over the edge, and I whimper, my stomach muscles contracting, and I bury my face in his neck as I come, electricity cutting through me. “Oh God,” I breathe, trembling from the force, as Dec jerks, stills, and groans, pushing deeper, his big body soaking up my shakes.
“Fuck.” He collapses, swathing me, one forearm keeping his body from squishing me. “Okay?” he pants.
I throw my arms out to my sides, breathless, as his heavy head lifts with effort, his brow hitching too. “Camryn?”
“I can’t lose again,” I blurt out, feeling overcome.
Dec’s one raised brow turns into two, interest becoming worry. “You won’t,” he counters softly.
It’s okay for him to say that. Maybe he won’t have a choice. Maybe he’ll be taken. I shake my head, trying to evacuate the morbid thoughts after such a perfect moment with a perfect man. “I didn’t think I could ever smile again,” I whisper. “I didn’t think I could exist in a world that could be so fucking cruel.”
“Camryn, stop.”
“No.” I hold his face, pulling it down so he’s nose to nose with me. “This is perfect. You are perfect. But I’m not perfect, Dec. And this moment is perfect, but there are ugly moments. If you be with me, there will be times when it will be so fucking ugly.” Because Dec doesn’t cure me. He might heal me, but nothing could possibly cure me.
“I can handle the ugly,” he says, no hesitation. “What I can’t handle is my world without you in it.”
“Your world seems quite perfect.” He shouldn’t want me polluting it with my pain and hatred.
He puffs out amused air, his eyes dropping. “Why are you trying to sabotage this?”
“I’m not. I just?—”
“What?” he asks, lifting his gaze back to mine. “Want me to be prepared?” He laughs a little. It’s irony, not humour. “Don’t you think I saw the hollowness the first time I saw you in that bar? Don’t you think I felt the pain you couldn’t hide? Felt your hopelessness past the smile you didn’t think I saw. My eyes are wide open, Camryn. Wide fucking open, and they’re looking right at you.”
I bite down on my lip.
“And you spilled your heart out to me last night,” he goes on. “Trusted me. Was vulnerable. That made me know beyond all doubt—and there wasn’t much doubt—that I want you in my heart, my life, and my daily thoughts, and I really fucking want you to want all of that with me too.”
Pain stabs at my lip when I increase the pressure. “Are you sure?” I ask, still holding back the full force of my relief.
“I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life.” He holds my face, his expression pained, as if he’s worried I won’t believe it. “I’ve never felt so connected to someone, Camryn. I’ve never felt so at ease and at peace with someone. So are we done?”
I nod, taken aback by the fierceness in his voice. “Has it really been five years?”
“It’s been worth the wait. Now are we done?”
My eyes widen, feeling him expand inside me. “Apparently not.”
His cheeks puff out, and I grin as he releases the tension in his face and gives me a small hint of a dashing smile. My God, he’s adorable when he loosens up. This big, serious man. He drifts down, his mouth open, and sucks my neck, kissing his way down to my chest.
My exhale is as peaceful as I feel, my body sinking into his soft bed, my eyes closing. “Hmmm,” I exhale, as he divides his attention between my boobs. “Can we stay in bed all day?” The moment I utter my question, I hear what sounds like a doorbell in the distance, and I lift my head, looking down at Dec in question. His frown is all the answer I need. “Expecting someone?”
He shakes his head and resumes worshipping my skin. But then his phone starts ringing. “Fuck it all to hell.” He slams his fists into the mattress and lifts his hips, a scowl and a wince blending as he eases out of me. I pull my legs together, and Dec plants a peck on my chin before dragging himself off the bed to go find his phone. The pull of my muscles makes me suck back a breath as I scoot up the bed and rest against the headboard. He goes through the pocket of his trousers and the second he looks at the screen, he curses under his breath and looks at the ceiling. For strength? What is that?
“Is everything okay?” I ask, unsure if I should. Because clearly it’s not.
He shows me his screen, as if I could see it from the other side of the room. “My father.”
