Page 85 of Love in Training
“He just had a way with animals.”
The reverence in his voice surprises me, as if he hadn’t also been bestowed with the same gift? Rufus lets out a contented sigh between us, only panting a little at a low rumble of thunder. Overall, he seems far from the basket case who ate my couch just weeks ago. Mostly because of Drew.
“Seems like that runs in the family,” I say.
The corner of his mouth tugs up, then drops again. “There was this yellow lab we raised. Her name was Boatie. I think I was about fifteen and Kyle was eight. She was a terror. She stole stuff off the kitchen counters; she would poop in her kennel and smear it everywhere. Never listened to anything. Our parents wanted to withdraw from the assistance puppy program just to get rid of her, but Kyle refused. He kept working with her patiently, every day for hours, and eventually he got through. He just... figured out what she needed.”
My eyes burn. I nod. Kyle was really good at that.
“That was the first time he told our parents he didn’t want to be a doctor. He wanted to train dogs.” Drew’s face is suddenly inscrutable. But he doesn’t have to finish the story. I know what happened next. Their parents shamed Kyle, told him a career with animals was lowly and undeserving of respect. That the only path to esteem was the one they’d taken. Nothing else was acceptable—if he didn’t become a doctor, he wasn’t worthy of their love.
They had it so fucking backward.
A sour taste fills my mouth thinking about all this now. But I clear my throat and ask what feels like the hardest, most obvious question. “Do you think he would’ve been better off if he’d gone to med school?”
The expression on Drew’s face tells me he gets my subtext:If Kyle hadn’t enlisted, if he hadn’t had a TBI, maybe he’d still be alive.
His big hands go still, buried next to mine in Rufus’s fur. “We already discussed his depression... how it intensified after his injury.”
Our eyes meet, and when he pins me with those desolate green eyes, it’s like I’m being suffocated by Kyle’s ghost—by the darkness and sorrow that always chased him, that he never got out from under. Then Drew pushes his glasses up his nose. And somehow, that simple gesture shifts the air between us, pushing oxygen back into my lungs.
“We did,” I whisper.
“He struggled with it all his life. But Kyle always made his own choices,” Drew says. “And I admired him for that.”
Acid burns the back of my throat. That’s possibly the most loaded statement I’ve ever heard. “You admired him? For fucking killing himself?”
“No—that’s not what I meant.” Drew goes pale and shakes his head. “What I admired was how helived. He didn’t compromise. He knew who he was and what he wanted. No one could force him into anything, especially not our parents. He chose his career. He chose to be with you. I was the older brother, I should’ve set that example, but... I couldn’t.”
I peer at him more closely, confused by his words. “I thought you wanted to be a doctor.”
He doesn’t say anything, and suddenly the room goes still.
“Drew?”
Finally, he raises his head, and the look in his eyes reminds me of one of the rare times Kyle spoke about his brother. All he’d said was,Drew always does what he’s told.
My heartbeat slows. “I . . . think I understand.”
His gaze drops to his lap.
“Well,” I say, my voice thick. “That comes back to my point. Maybe if Kyle had followed your lead, he’d still be here.”
“I doubt that,” Drew says with finality. But then he looks at me a moment, tilting his head like he’s conflicted. “Do you think... You made it clear how things ended. Would it be weird to tell me how you and Kyle started?”
This is so the last thing I expect him to ask, I nearly laugh. “I’m sorry, what?”
He shrugs, though I don’t miss a flicker of a smile. “You don’t have to share. I was just curious. I know I missed out on a lot that was important to him.”
I straighten, running my hand along Rufus’s side. For a long time, Drew Forbes was a symbol of everything that had gone wrong. He was the last person I would’ve told anything about my first love. But sitting here, riding out another storm with him and Rufus, things have shifted. Right now, he feels like the only person in the world I want to talk to about Kyle.
“Um, it’s been a while since I thought about this...” I close my eyes. “On some level, he wasalwaysthere. Kyle and Theo were best friends. I’m not sure I stood out to him either for a long time.” When I realize I’m grinning, I open my eyes. “I guess that changed sophomore year. Kyle and Theo showed up at one of my track meets, and of course Kyle had a very large ‘puppy’ with him.” I stick out my tongue. “As you’ve pointed out, I’ve never been a huge dog fan, and that didn’t improve when Kyle’s dog got loose and chased me halfway around the track.”
Drew covers his mouth with his hand, but his eyes dance.
“Eventually, his dumb black lab ran right in front of me. I nearly crashed, and I ended up losing the event for our team. So when I saw Kyle and his idiot dog waiting for me after the meet, I didn’t hesitate to tell him exactly what I thought of his ‘training skills.’”
Drew can no longer contain his laughter. “What did he have to say for himself?”
