Page 34 of Love in Training
Despite the sleet and cold yesterday, it’s almost seventy degrees by the time we walk outside. Typical bipolar spring in Colorado. Blue skies stretch for miles up and down the Front Range, making the snow-capped mountains to the west stand out in high relief. Reminding every single resident why they live in the Mile High City.
Since we still have a couple of hours before the trainer shows up, and I’m never going to see the inside of a gym again, I head for the park this time instead of rounding the block. The trail around the edge of Washington Park is crowded in the mild weather, and after seeing Rufus lose his mind at those other dogs yesterday, I keep the leash looped over my thumb the way thedog gurushowed me. I have to admit it does seem to give me more control. But I hate that Drew Forbes had any useful advice to offer.
My phone rings as we walk around the lake on the south end of the park, and I’m not surprised so much as resigned when I see my mother’s name on the screen. The Zen half of me wants to ignore the call, keep this time to myself to enjoy the weather and collect my thoughts. But my guilty half has teeth, gnashing at my own needs. I am her only reachable child. It’s my duty to answer, to fill some ill-defined void while my brother’s gone.
“Hey, Mom. I was just about to?—”
“Howareyou, Caprice?”
Her tone gives me pause. The last time I spoke to my mother, she was trying to convince me to attend some sort of luncheon benefit for her art gallery. A passion she returned to after retiring from school administration.
“I’m... fine. Did you and Theo have a good visit?”
She sighs. “Too brief, but yes. And I suppose I have you to thank for seeing him at all before he shipped out.” Her voice sobers. “I heard about Kyle's dog. How is it going?”
Ohh. This.
“Um, I’m going to need a new couch. But otherwise, I’m handling it.” I glance at the dog as if he might have some opinion to add.
My mom pauses, waiting for more. And I know exactly what she wants, but it will hurt too much to give it to her. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop her from pushing.
“This must be so difficult to deal with after only a year...”
Her words disappear under the buzzing in my ears. My grip tightens around the leash. I take a hard left off the path into the trees, but not before the inside of my chest starts disintegrating.
I have grieved Kyle Forbes on so many levels—before and after he died. When he left to enlist in the military. When he came back a shadow of the man I’d kissed goodbye. When he returned to the service rather than marry me.
And finally, when he left us all for the last time.
I stumble toward a tree, sinking down against its trunk before my knees completely fail me. The dog watches, clearly confused, but when he attempts to lick my face, I push him away. I can’t bring myself to look into his eyes, knowing they must have been the last eyes Kyle stared into.
My mom waits. I rest my head on my knees. And when I speak, I change the subject. “How was the new opening this month?”
There’s a pause. Mom definitely likes to push. But if there’s one thing I appreciate about her, it’s that she can also tell when to back off.
“Oh, it was phenomenal,” she says. “I wish you’d been able to see it.”
By the time she’s finished raving about the new photographer she discovered, I’ve dragged myself back to my feet. I’m taking a first hesitant step toward the jogging path when a flicker of movement catches my eye. It seems the dog noticed it too because he turns his head in the same direction. And for just a moment, I think I see a figure through the trees. Someone tall, with dark hair and glasses. But when I stop and really look, no one is there at all. My neck prickles.
“Youhaveto come to First Friday in April,” Mom continues. “It’s been ages since you made it, and there are so many fun people I can introduce you to.”
Translation: there are men she wants me to meet.
I straighten, putting my shields back into place. As someone who has generally fared better with fewer men in her life, it still shocks me when my mom takes up this cause. But maybe that’s one of the reasons I’ve been avoiding First Friday. “I’ll think about it for sure, Mom. Just need Rufus to settle in a bit first.”
The dog looks up at his name, perhaps detecting some minute gratitude in my voice. I can give him that—he’s a convenient excuse. I want to support the new life my mother is carving out for herself in retirement. But of all people, does she really think I can fill the hole in my heart with the right man?
“Oh, Caprice.” She chuckles. “I can’t believe Theo got you to agree to this.”
I curl my lip, tossing a bag of poop into a trash can as I exit the park. “Me neither.”
At two o’clock sharp, I buzz in Sara Radcliffe, the third dog trainer on Lydia’s list. She’s a short, curvy strawberry blonde who focuses entirely on Rufus from the moment she walks in. My apartment soon reeks of hot dogs from the endless supply of tiny pieces she feeds him, but he takes no time to decide she’s an acceptable visitor, so I guess I can’t knock her strategy.
“This is mostly a meet-and-greet so we can get a sense of each other and decide if we’ll be a good fit.” She looks around my apartment. “I understand you just got him, but are you planning to move to a bigger place?”
“Uh, no. I hadn’t considered it.”
A look I can’t quite process passes over her face. “This is a really small space for a dog like this.”
