Page 7 of Sigma
“And Cicely, Jared…” Joel shook his head. “She’s gorgeous. She’s got a wicked sense of humor. She–” He stops talking.
I’m wearing my pain on my face.
“I crave what I’m missing, man,” I say in a rare moment of complete transparency. “I know I can’t take the chance that thewoman who was meant to be protected and cherished by her mate gets hurt by the monster in me. So, I’ll protect her by getting out of here before something happens that I can’t take back. That monster doesn’t feel, doesn’t think. All it wants is blood, to shred and devour everything with a pulse. I’ve pushed it too far as it is. If I’d harmed you…” I stare at Linc and hope he understands how much regret I have.
“I know,” Linc says gruffly. “I also think maybe there’s a reason it’s her, connected to us. We all thinkwe’re meant to help.”
“We’ll look for answers. Maybe there are options,” Joel adds.
Linc speaks up again. “So far, we’re seeing that Fate is intentional with this pack. And you’ve been drawn here. If there’s good news, if there’s ideas, we’ll call and run it down. Maybe you’ll come back. Maybe we can put you in the irons and bring her in to see how your wolf reacts. Maybe the coven has answers. I’ll have some conversations today and we’ll meet here tomorrow morning before you haul outta here.”
He holds my stare. We’ve been through some shit together and I respect him. I give him a lot of credit for respecting my privacy this long. He had to notify his council what was at stake after me losing control so many times in a row. He’s such a good fucking guy that if he weren’t already fated to find his own mate I might have tried to give him my blessing to look after her, to make her happy. I really fucking hate the idea she won’t have what she’s meant to have. She’ll never have kids. She’ll never have the connection she was meant to have with somebody. But it’s good he has a fated mate out there somewhere because the idea of giving anyone permission to lay hands on her makes me physically ill. Just the notion had me meditating hard to prevent a shift.
If it had been anyone but Linc, I don’t think I’d have been able to stop a shift at even the idea of her moving on with some other guy. It’s better she doesn’t know about me, doesn’t feel like she’s been robbed of something. Alphas are told from a young age what to expect. Female wolf shifters aren’t. Regardless of their standing in their pack they won’t know if they’re fated to mate to an alpha unless it happens. They shouldn’t tell her.
He wanted to know if I wanted to know about her. All I knew was her name and her scent. I wouldn’t let myself have anything else, as bad as I want to know. And Joel saying what he’s just said makes it worse.
Now I have to remind myself to keep slowly pulling in air: one, two, three, four – hold. Despite the knowledge that she’s gorgeous with a wicked sense of humor. Out slow: one, two, three, four – hold. And that she’s the type to pick a lock when she’s curious about something. Like I’ve always been. In: one, two, three, four – hold. It’s too much to know. Because it makes me crave more information. And that’s the last thing I should have. Out: one, two, three, four – hold. More information will make it even harder to keep the monster in me at bay. The less I know, and the less I think about her, the better for the both of us.
3
JARED
Two Years Ago
He jerked his thumb toward the bar on the corner before he extended his hand. “Buy you a beer?”
I jerked mine toward the liquor store. “Grab a six and go to my campsite instead? Rather sit outdoors by a fire than in a sweaty bar full of all these rancid scents.”
“I feel that,” he quipped and headed in the direction of the liquor store.
Later that night, sitting by the fire, laughing, on our third beer, he asked the question I knew had been burning.
“You’re a shifter with no scent and though sometimes you wear a fake scent, you come across like you’re alpha.”
“Because I am.”
“You didn’t name your pack when you told me your name. That’s customary when shifters meet out in mainstream public. Leave your pack behind due to a beef?”
I shook my head.
“A female?” he tried.
“Don’t like to talk about it.”
“That’s your call, but just wanna say, you wanna talk about it, you can. I’m a good listener. And far’s I see it, we’re now inextricably connected, man. You saved my ass on that first job.”
“You saved mine on the third,” I replied.
“When we first crossed paths… you had the advantage of no scent and didn’t use that to take me out when we were on opposing sides, so I have an idea of how I’d like to repay you.”
“No repayment necessary.”
“That’s not how I roll, especially when someone doesn’t want a repayment. And it’s also why I wanna make this offer. Hear me out?”
I jerked up my chin.
“Meet my council, Jared. We’ll talk and see if there’s a fit. If yeah, you could join our pack. It’s different from a typical pack. Our six alpha council works. We’ve got other alphas that contribute. Our pack is a big one with lots of space and–”
