Page 118 of A Love That Broke Us
I take deep breaths as I come down from the high, and quiet the thought again.
Jensen presses a kiss to my thigh, and then the weight on the bed shifts. I hear the zipper of his jeans and open my eyes. He’s pulling off his pants and underwear. I bend my knees, opening for him.
My heart pounds wildly in my chest as he settles between my legs, his body hovering over mine. He pushes into me, slow and steady.
I study him, his face, his jaw. It’s clenched again. His eyes are closed, and he looks lost in the feeling. He’s tense.
He thrusts again, eyes opening.
The light hits his face and there’s something in his eyes. A shadow. A darkness. Like an aura wrapped around him, embedded in his soul.
I blink. Am I imagining it? Am I crazy? Stuck in some euphoric haze? I blink again. No—I’m not crazy. It’s there.
Jensen’s gaze meets mine, and it’s so unfamiliar, so far from him, it steals the breath from my lungs.
I don’t recognize this person. I know logically that it’s Jensen. My husband. But it’s not him. He’s not here.
Panic rises, sharp and fast. My pulse races, my chest tightens, and I’m suddenly locked in full-blown fight-or-flight. A crushing weight presses down as I realize—I’m having sex with a complete stranger.
Fear grips me, ripping through my chest and burrowing deep into the pit of my stomach.
I push against him.
“Get off,” I say, barely above a whisper. I push harder. “Get off.” My breath turns ragged. “Stop! Get off!”
Jensen slows, confused, his brows pinching together.
“Get the fuck off me!” I scream, shoving with everything I have.
He pulls out, stumbling back as I scramble away, tears already falling down my cheeks as I gasp for air.
My hands fly to my face, covering my eyes as I collapse, my sobs shaking through me.
I force myself up, swing my legs off the bed, and rush to the dresser. I grab the first pajama shirt and shorts I see and throw them on.
“Why are you freaking out?” Jensen asks, his voice baffled, completely unaware.
The sobs come harder, gutting and uncontrollable, spilling from somewhere deep I haven’t let myself feel in months. I don’t even know what just happened or why it broke me like this.
I don’t respond. I can’t. Shame claws at me. Grief swells in my chest.
I’m devastated. Heartbroken.
“Alley, what the hell just happened?”
I wipe at my eyes with both palms, still unable to look at him. I cross the room and grab a pillow from my side of the bed. I glance at him, just briefly. He’s still hard. His expression twisted with confusion, hurt, and something that looks like irritation.
I take a shaky breath and hold it for a moment, just long enough to regain my composure. “I can’t do this right now,” I say quietly, my voice flat with defeat.
He rakes a hand through his hair. “Fuck. Come on. Talk to me, babe. What’d I do?”
A sound forces its way out, something between a laugh and a sob. “What’d you do? That’s a great question, Jensen.” My eyes fix on the wall. “I’m sleeping on the couch.”
I walk toward the door, past Jensen. He follows me.
“Jesus. You’re acting like I fucking hurt you.”
I shake my head. The tears still fall, but more silently now. This is a different kind of pain. A new kind of pain. The kind where you no longer recognize the person you love the most, but they no longer see you either.
