Page 105 of A Love That Broke Us
I sniff, snot running down my nose, and tilt my head back, trying to catch my breath. Trying to hold it together.
Finally, I nod. “I promise… What do you need?”
He squeezes my hand. “You,” he says softly. “Just you.”
I stareinto the bathroom mirror at Jensen’s parent’s house, my tear streaked face looking back at me. My period just came. If there’s one more thing this day needed, it was that—a final kick when I’m already down.
It’s late again. Disappointment and relief flood through me at the same time. We’ve been trying for nine months now, and I’m starting to wonder if something’s wrong with me. We agreed to give it a year. There’s no rush, but if I wasn’t pregnant by then, we’d look into it.
Every period’s met with the same frustration. Buttoday, it’s different. The emotions are hitting harder because I don’t know what I’m feeling. I want this—wewant this. But now there’s a fear tangled up in the sadness. A quiet voice poking at old memories of growing up with an alcoholic.
I won’t do that to my kids. We’ll have to put this on hold and use condoms for a while. Make sure Jensen can stay clean.
Stay clean.There’s a sentence I never thought I’d have to say about him.
My head falls to my hands, elbows on the countertop, as I try to keep my composure. My world has fallen apart in a matter of hours. I take few deep breaths, and pat cold water under my eyes, trying to cover up the fact that I’ve been in here for several minutes crying.
I wasn’t going to come tonight. I feel guilty as hell for leaving Jensen at home. Plus, I’m worried. He insisted, though—he didn’t want to raise red flags with his family, and he didn’t want me to sit there and watch him go through hell. He didn’t want me to see him like that.
Reluctantly, I agreed, but only if he promised to stay hydrated. I took his vitals before I left and confiscated all the pills. They’re in my car for now. I’ll drop them at a pharmacy tomorrow. There’s no way in hell I’m doing it at work. I don’t want anyone asking questions. This is Jensen’s reputation. I’d never risk that.
I worry he’ll give in, but he wasn’t well enough to even sit up earlier—let alone go looking for more pills. I doubt he’ll get out of bed while I’m gone.
My stomach knots at the thought. I shouldn’t have left him. He needs me. I need to get home to him, sooner rather than later.
I end up on the couch in the living room next to Kevin, where he and Matt are deep in discussion about the stock market. I tune them out, blinking rapidly, fighting the urge to cry.
Part of me never wants anyone to know about Jensen. But the other part of me wants to tell them all, just so I don’t have to keep holding it together. I’ve felt on the verge of tears all night.
I glance around at the family that’s become my own. Megan’s in the kitchen with her mom. Amber, Jeff, Cole, and Jensen’s dad are playing a game atthe table.
Cole is Matt’s godson—his cousin’s kid. He visits a couple times a year over long weekends or when Cam, his dad, has to travel for work. Cole’s eight, and he and Matt are surprisingly close. It’s actually really sweet, watching them together.
Matt playing dad? Who would’ve thought.
“Have you talked to Jensen since you’ve been here, Al?” Matt’s gaze meets mine, and I nod—even though I texted Jensen thirty minutes ago and haven’t heard back.What if he’s not okay?
Matt cocks a brow. “Yeah? How’s he doing? Feeling any better?”
I muster a small smile. “Yeah. He said his migraine’s finally lifting.” Jensen has a history of migraines. He doesn’t get them often, but when he does, they’re bad—enough to make him nauseous, sometimes even throw up.
Kevin gets up, joining the next game at the table, leaving Matt and me alone on the couch.
“How’s the nightclub with Leo going?” I ask, desperate for a subject change, and genuinely curious.
Matt runs an exclusive, members-only nightclub here in New York. He took Leo there the last time he came to visit. Leo was impressed and loved the idea of bringing one to Chicago, so they partnered up last year ago.
“It’s going great. Leo’s easy to work with.”
“That’s awesome.” I try to sound excited for him, because I am. But my voice isn’t cooperating.
Matt’s eyes narrow, his expression thoughtful. “Is everything alright? You seem quiet. Quieter than usual.”
“Yeah. I’m good. Just tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”
His lips press together, like he knows I’m lying.
I realize the irony—lying to cover for Jensen.
