Page 132 of A Love That Broke Us
No. One year. That’s all he gets to prove himself. To get clean, and to stay that way.
Until May.
I do the math. That’s seven months. Seven months of trying, waiting, and hoping.
God, that feels like an eternity.
I don’t know if I can do this for that long—if I’ll make it. But I have to try.
I never asked for easy. But damn. It shouldn’t be this hard.
My gaze drops to my phone again. I’m going to need something or someone to lean on. And it can’t be Leo, not yet anyway.
I open my browser and type:Al-Anon NYC.
I scroll through the meetings. There are plenty to choose from. I add a Thursday evening one to my calendar. There’s an AA meeting at the same time, in the same building.
Good.
We can go together. Get the help and support we both need.
Chapter Forty
ALLEY
THEN—NINE MONTHS AGO
NOVEMBER
I placethe last ornament from the box on the tree and step back, assessing my work. There’s a cluster on the bottom right—too much of the same. I pull off one of the medium round snowball ornaments and find a new home for it on the opposite side, where things look a little bare.
Sinking onto the couch, I take it in. The twinkling lights cast a glow across the room, spreading a warm happiness through me I haven’t felt in a long time.
This is my favorite time of year.
It’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving, and this has become a tradition for Jensen and me. Football’s muted in the background, soft holiday music floats through the air. Jensen helped me put the tree up, but the decorating? That’s my thing. I like it a certain way.
He’s in the kitchen now, making the wassail for our first holiday movie of the year,Just Friends.It’s our favorite.
The past few months have been confusing. I honestly don’t know where Jensen stands right now. He says he’s clean, and maybe he is.But sometimes—sometimes I feel it. I can sense that he’s off. Like he’s hiding something, but he always swears he’s not. I don’t know if I believe him. And he’s here, so…
I can’t help but wonder if he’s just getting better at hiding it. Better at lying. Better at dosing. Better at finding the right upper for the downer. I hate that I can’t be sure, and what’s worse is that I don’t fully trust him yet.
I want to, though.God,I want to.
“Hey babe, this is ready. Wanna pull up the movie?” Jensen calls out, stirring the pot one last time.
“Yep.” I navigate to Prime, rentJust Friends, and queue it up. A minute later, Jensen settles in beside me and hands me a steaming mug of wassail. “Thanks, babe.”
I blow on the surface, take a careful sip, and let the warmth spread through me. I savor the blend of sweet and spiced—it’s Christmas in a cup. I set the mug down and snuggle up beside Jensen. His hand finds mine beneath the blanket now draped over both our laps.
Thanksgiving was different this year. We stayed home, just the two of us. I didn’t want to be around Christy. I know it’s petty, but I can’t forgive her. I cooked dinner, and Jensen helped with the sides. It was… fine.
I debated inviting Matt or a few other friends, but it didn’t feel right asking Matt to choose between us or Jensen’s family. Most of our friends already had plans, anyway. Honestly? It was for the best. I was worried Jensen would have a bad day or not show up at all. But he managed to be thereandkeep his shit together. It was a small win.
I haven’t spoken to Christy since the night of Zach and Joey’s wedding. And Megan hasn’t spoken to Jensen in almost as long. The two of them had it out the same week.
Megan came over to check on him—and me. But the second she saw him, and saw what it was doing to me, she snapped. She couldn’t handle it. She started yelling, screaming at him, called him a piece of shit husband. She was hysterical. I almost had to kick her out.
