Page 88 of The Rules of Matrimony
He very much doubted that. He couldn’t love his wife. He couldn’t give his mother grandchildren. He couldn’t even concentrate long enough to contribute to the preparations being made for the vote tomorrow. But upsetting Mama further was not worth the argument.
She left him alone with his tray of food and his turbulent thoughts. He stared at the tray for a good five minutes before downing his tea in three gulps and pushing away from the desk. There was no use procrastinating the inevitable.
A few moments later, he let himself into his father’s room.
“Shut the door behind you,” Father said, setting down a book beside him and adjusting the pillows that propped him into a sitting position.
Ian pushed the door closed and came to stand at the end of the bed, where he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m here. Tell me what pressing chastisements you want to lay at my feet this time.”
Father’s expression turned sheepish. “I have done you a disservice if our only talks are about your misbehavior.”
What was this? An olive branch before the lecture? “No reason to mince words. I have business to attend to.”
Father nodded. “So I have heard.” Ian wasn’t surprised. Father always had people watching his injudicious son. “You plan to vote on changing the criminal law tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“And your wife? Where is she now?”
Ian’s temper flared. “Attending to her own affairs. She is free to do as she pleases.”
Father nodded again. “I know you do not care to hear it, but she has grown on me. You have chosen better for yourself than I ever could.”
Ian smirked. “You must be more unwell than I thought. Do you realize what you said?”
“I do.” Father smoothed his covers. “Your young lady did a hard thing by speaking to me after all I did to frighten her away. I know you did not care for it, but I owe her a great deal for what she told me. She ... she surprised me.”
Ian wasn’t sure where this was going, but he could at least agree with his father’s assessment of Amie. “She is a good person.”
“A good person who loves you very much.”
The very emotion he’d tried so hard to prevent. “I know.”
“And you love her.”
Ian’s jaw flinched.
His father nodded. “You don’t have to admit anything to me. I can see it plainly. But because of me, you deny yourself the chance totell her. I assume that is what she meant when she said my behavior was affecting you—the reason you swore off marriage for all those years.”
Ian huffed. “I won’t repeat the sins of you and your father.”
“If what you’re speaking of is the rumors of my mistresses, I want to correct you.”
He shook his head. “There is nothing to correct.”
Father clasped his hands together calmly. For once, Ian’s words did not get his guard up. “I won’t put down your mother, but there is something you must know about her that you aren’t aware of. For the sake of salvaging a relationship with you and for the sake of your marriage, I feel compelled to explain.”
“What does this have to do with Mama?” Ian frowned. “I know not what you speak of.”
“For good reason. I have done my best to prevent anyone from knowing. But as you are our son, and this secret is keeping you from living a full life, you must know.”
Ian braced himself, but Father’s face only softened. “Your mother suffers from extreme anxiety in large social settings.”
This was not what Ian had expected. “Mama?” He shook his head. “I have never seen proof of this.” No one was more confident than his mother. She led an army of women in Brookeside and commanded attention everywhere with her regal presence and benevolent attitude.
“I am not wrong. Your mother does not come to London every Season, not because I am unfaithful but because of a terrible experience she suffered from during her coming-out Season. A man tried to take advantage of her, and though she was mostly unharmed, vicious rumors spread. It was enough that even after we married, she was paralyzed in fear at the thought of attending any party or ball.
“It became so severe that London was no longer a viable option for her. Brookeside became her safe haven. The women there eased their way into her life, putting their arms around her and coaxing her into their small society. She started healing, but even after someyears away, we both knew that returning to London would not be wise.
