Page 55 of The Lady Glass
She scrunched up her nose and made a face, showing him exactly what she thought of his teasing. “You can’t carry it all, Rolland. It’s not possible. You have a duty to the navy, to keeping your father safe, to pleasing your mother, to finding my vase... you’ve even promised tomarrysomeone of your father’s choice.”
He stared at her for a moment, not ready to speak about the last part of her list. “None of those sound so wholly bad.”
“Not any of them? Would you sacrifice your own feelings to marry someone else just to please your father?”
Rolland coughed into his fist, and could she blame him? She had forced a topic that made them both squirm. But she had a right to know, didn’t she? They’d been tiptoeing around it since he’d brought it up at Rose Cottage. When he had brought it up the day before in the secret passage, he had felt her tense beneath his hand. “It will be a political marriage—one that will be important to not just England but potentially the entire Western world.”
“Only half the world?” Theresia blinked, her sarcasm thick. “Do you really think one marriage would do so much?”
What did she want him to say? That he was beginning to regret it? That what once was an easy decision was now a great sacrifice? Perhaps if she knew why he was doing it, she’d understand. “One marriage can lead to a stronger Britishfront when the committee presents at the Congress of Vienna. Boundary lines between countries will be changed, powers divided. One union could mean nothing, or it could mean everything. You’re right that it’s impossible to shoulder it all, but there has to be some good in the effort. The ripples from one small splash can be far-reaching.”
She stared at him, her eyes filling with compassion. “Rolland...”
It shouldn’t bring him such pleasure when she said his given name, or that she cared so deeply. The longing to take back his commitments only heightened. He forced a less serious expression. “It’s not so bad. Look at me. I’m not suffering.”
She shook her head. “I understand better now, I think, but I worry for you. Without Granger to fuss over you, I doubt your shoulder would receive any attention at all. Have you ever made yourself a priority? Because I know you could help others better if you did.”
“Did you learn this at Mrs. Stone’s Seminary?”
“I learned it by watching you.”
He put his hands behind his back and clasped them together. “You mean you learned this by watching me perform poorly? I’m touched.”
She laughed softly. “You’re not the only one who cares about other people.”
“Yes, but I thought you didn’t like Englishmen.”
“I might like one or two,” she hedged, her cheeks darkening.
“Oh? This is a new development.” He pushed a branch out of the way and held it back while she passed. “Have I made this short list?” He couldn’t help his flirtatious tone. Perhaps he was desperate for self-punishment.
She slowed, turning to face him in a narrow section of the path. “Do you think I would have come to Ashbury Court if you had not?” She tilted her head, as if thinking while speaking, and hehad another rash desire to kiss her pursed lips. She spoke again, saving him from himself. “Can you blame me? No matter how I rile you, you keep running back to my side. It’s hard not to like someone like that.”
“You make me sound like a loyal dog.”
She laughed again, the sound more lighthearted this time. He caught a whiff of her floral scent when she moved away from him. “If you came to cheer me up, you’re doing admirably. But I do wish you’d speak more about yourself.” She looked at her hands. “We have both been careful about sharing details about our lives, and I had no idea the reason behind your future betrothal. Can you not tell me something else? About how you claimed that burn on your shoulder? Or why a first son of a baron joined the navy instead of staying safe at home?”
Rolland released the branch and searched the path behind them. “I wonder if Lewis rescued Miss Yearsley. Should we return and see?”
Theresia shook her head. “You’re impossible.”
He was. He would do almost anything just to keep her happy. “How about just one story today?”
“You don’t have to tell me anything, but I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give.”
His brow rose. “Is that so?”
“Mrs. Stone taught us to listen more than we speak, and it’s one of the lessons with greater merit, I believe.”
Her eagerness ate at his willpower. “I propose a trade, then. A story for a story.”
She gave a slow shrug. “I suppose it’s only fair.”
Neither of them said anything for a moment. So much weighed on Rolland’s mind, and sharing about his past wouldn’t help. But he had agreed, so he would try. The least he could do was pick the least depressing tale to share with her.
“My father was not thrilled with my decision to join thenavy,” he began, “but I wanted to do something good with my life. I suppose I wanted the challenge that came with it too. I moved quickly through the ranks, for many reasons. My father’s influence helped, and the reputation of my uncle, who was an admiral. I would like to think my natural desire to lead made a difference too, but in truth, others had to die for positions to open. Being a captain isn’t always the honor it sounds.”
Their hands brushed as they walked, and he rubbed his down the side of his thigh to fight off the desire to steal her fingers with his own.
