Page 66 of Bargaining for the Barrister
He ran his hand through his hair, mussing the front so a straight lock fell across his forehead. “Now you know all my secrets.” He did not seem at all happy to have shared them with her.
“Not all of them,” Louisa corrected, “but I’m beginning to understand. She is the reason you feel you cannot marry. The reason you said you were waiting for money.” Louisa had wished so many times since that day that his desire for money had been a joke... a lie to push her away. She ached for him, but as devastating as the situation was, it gave her an understanding of his motivations and a bud of hope that together they might work through them.
He shrugged. “She is not my mother in name any longer, but she is still my flesh and blood. How can I deny her? She had seven children with that man. Seven. And they’re half-starved, Louisa. I cannot turn my back on my half siblings.”
The harshness in his tone stung, and forbidden moisture gathered at the corners of her eyes. His desire for money was not selfish like that of Mr. Davies and Mr. Turner. Paul’s motivations were out of a sense of duty. The last of her reservations toward him fled. “If you give her money, she goes away?”
“For a while. She usually stays away longer than when I don’t. I gave her more money than usual this last time too. Everything I had.” His hand was back in his hair, tugging at it with his fingers. “I wish you had not seen anything.”
She inched closer. “I had come to say goodbye.”
His brow furrowed. “Goodbye?”
“Logan has come to Bellmont Manor. We are to leave first thing tomorrow.”
His nod was almost imperceptible, but his eyes were wide. “I thought you still had a week or so.”
“I wrote to him and requested he come sooner.”
“I see.” His surprise was mixed with hurt; she could sense it.
She hugged her middle. “I had just learned of the lengths the musical club was willing to go to, and I never wanted a match between you and me to be forced. Then Mr. Davies and Mr. Turner arrived and made an even bigger muddle of things, and I had no idea you would rid Brookeside of them so effortlessly. I thought fleeing here would be my only method of escape.”
A sad smile crossed his face. “It was rather heroic of me.” He chuckled softly, then grew serious again. “We will all miss you. It was an honor... knowing Louisa Cox.” He cleared his throat, masking with that small effort whatever he was feeling.
Longing and hope pulsed through her. She waited until she was sure she could speak casually. “Yes, well, I find it silly to leave a friend in a fix. You need money, and I have it in abundance.”
He quickly shook his head. “The Sheldons have money too, but I will not take it from them, and they have more right to offer it.”
She wasn’t going to let this go. “What if it was in your name?”
“If I had inherited, I would not feel the same guilt in using it.”
She took a breath and plunged into the question on the tip of her tongue. “And if you accepted a marriage dowry?” Her hands shook as she anticipated his answer. She could hardly believe what she was saying. But she knew in that moment that she loved Paul enough to put aside all her fears and prejudices about her dowry.
Paul, however, was frozen in place. Finally, his lips parted, and he said, “I would never marry someone for their money.”
His hazel eyes bored into hers. She bit her lip, but she couldn’t look away. “I appreciate that sentiment more than you could ever know. That was why I panicked when you said you had need of money, that day outside the Dome during the archery game. I thought Lady Kellen had tricked me and found me a fortune hunter.” She took a fortifying breath. “I see things differently now. And after all, I did come in hopes of marrying you.”
“Then you will leave disappointed.”
His decisive dismissal stabbed her through the middle and cut all the way to her heart. Her breath came out in a shaky wave. How many times had she gathered every ounce of bravery to make this work, only for Paul to reject her? “I find I bear disappointment quite well,” she lied, resisting the urge to reach for the wall to balance herself. The need for the lie suddenly turned her pain to ire. She had willingly offered him her father’s hard-earned money... every farthing to her name... out of love. Her feet steadied, and her hands fisted at her side. “But I wonder how you can bear such a burden of pride. I would surely tire of it.”
Hurt lanced across Paul’s features as her words struck him. “Louisa...” His pleading voice trailed off as if he could think of nothing to say for himself. Let him feel regret, but she would not. She ducked her head and moved past him toward the front door.
At the same time, the drawing room door opened, revealing Mrs. Sheldon. “Paul, you’re here! You must join us for tea.”
Louisa had never had such difficulty reining in her emotions. She wanted nothing more than to leave. To run from here and never look back. She couldn’t even look Mrs. Sheldon in the eyes. “I find I am anxious for another ride,” she said, her tone as even as she could make it. “Go ahead without me, and please tell Lady Kellen I will see her back at the house.” Her voice cracked. She did not wait for a response and fled toward the door. The butler brought forward her riding hat, and she sighed, knowing he had likely heard everything.
“Miss Cox!” Mrs. Sheldon called after her. Louisa wouldn’t turn unless Paul asked her to stay, and why would he? To say goodbye twice? She hurried outside, pinning her hat on as she skipped down the steps.
A new carriage sat in the drive in place of Mrs. Hammond’s hackney coach, this one bearing the crest of Lady Kellen—the one they’d sent the groomsman for should they be too tired to return on horseback. Such an easy escape would leave Lady Kellen without transportation home, so finding Misty was the only alternative. Louisa’s hips already ached from their earlier ride, but staying was not an option. She would collect her brother and make haste to Manchester. Turning in the direction of the stables, she widened her stride, anxious to put Rothbrier Hall behind her once and for all.
Chapter 29
Pride.
Louisa’s words were like a punch to the gut. Only minutes before, Paul had been sure he was doing the right thing by supporting Mrs. Hammond out of his own pocket. It was the honorable thing to do. The gentlemanly thing to do. His very duty. Was it not?
