Page 53 of Bargaining for the Barrister
Chapter 24
Paul watched with satisfaction asMiles sidestepped Mr. Davies and beat the poor man to Louisa’s side. After assisting her in mounting her horse, Miles said something that made her smile again. Paul stood behind his friends, trying not to read her level of happiness but unable to help himself. It bothered him more than it should that she was angry with him. If only her frustration were just with the town’s matchmaking mamas and not with him, but he knew he was equally responsible for the strain he saw behind her eyes. She avoided meeting his gaze, but a wave of tension spanned the distance between them, creating an emotional barrier he did not know how to cross or whether he were even capable of doing so. Why couldn’t he simply let it go? In his world of law and order, he was used to people not liking him, but this was something more. Something that went deeper.
He drummed his fingers on the side of his leg. He still did not understand why she had reacted so strongly about his finances. He’d said it to turn her away, knowing if their roles were reversed, and he were the lady, he’d be wary of marrying a pauper too. But Louisa’s response was far more extreme than he would’ve predicted. It had to be because of their kiss and his dismissal of her too. He was glad she was smiling at Miles, and that she possessed such inner strength, but it still made him feel like a cad.
Ian glanced back at him and maneuvered around Tom to reach him. “My apologies,” he said. “You gave me one job, and I failed miserably. I thought putting Mr. Davies by Louisa would inflict greater harm than setting her up by you. I see I was gravely mistaken.”
“All is forgiven.”
“Is it? By the looks of you, one might think you’ve had your heart broken. It seems to be that in the course of an hour, you’ve changed your mind and no longer want to simply be friends with Miss Cox.”
Not quite, but his mind was definitely spinning. “Maybe I’ve overlooked something.”
“You’re talking nonsense now.” Ian folded his arms across his chest. “You have no money and have made it your goal since you were a child to be a self-made man. There’s nothing to miss.”
Paul and Ian waved goodbye to Louisa and the others, and he watched the riders turn their horses toward the manor. He couldn’t explain the intensity of his feelings, and even if he could, Ian was right, for they conflicted with his ideals. “What if this is God’s way of giving me a second chance to reverse my luck?”
“You’d have to talk to Miles about theology, but in my opinion, luck is what you make of it.” Ian toed the grass with his boot. “Who knows? Perhaps you and Miss Cox are a match after all.”
Paul stared at Ian, whose tone had changed into one of tired acceptance. “Do you really mean that?” he asked.
“What part?”
“The part where I felt like you’d support my decision if I chose to marry her.”
Ian raised his brow and grinned. “When did I say anything of the sort?”
Paul smiled smugly. “I’m a barrister. I’ve spent years learning the signs of when a man is convinced of something. Your posture, your tone, your expression—they all denote your feelings on the subject.”
“Don’t waste your time examining me any further. Of course I’d support you if it’s what you chose to do. That’s all I’ve tried to do our whole lives.”
Ian hated the very idea of an arranged marriage. That he would cast all that aside for Paul meant more than he could say. “You’re a good friend, Ian. Tell me truly, then. What do you make of this?”
Ian eyed him. “Do you really want to know? I could be wrong.”
“I need to know. I’ve always respected your guidance.”
“Very well. You’ve come a long way, but you’ve still a ways to go. You’ve too many reasons holding you back. She’s not a bad choice, but timing is important. After your recent loss of funds, I fear it’s simply the wrong time.”
Paul thought of the flash of pain he’d experienced after Louisa kissed him and blew out a frustrated breath. “I agree. It is the wrong time.”
“Wrong time for what?” Miles asked, stepping into their conversation.
The back of Paul’s neck was damp from the heat, and he ruffled his hair so it would not fall prey to the same. “Marriage.”
“You did not just propose on that little walk of yours, did you?” Miles asked, his voice incredulous. “Should I congratulate you?”
Paul lifted one brow. “Did Miss Cox look like a woman who had just been proposed to? Do I look like a man who has his future set?”
Miles smirked. “But you must be considering it, or you wouldn’t be in such a deep and serious conversation.”
“If it’s serious,” Tom said, forming a small circle with them, “I want to hear every delicious detail.”
Jemma pulled Tom back. “Let us ladies be a part of the discussion too.”
Paul withheld a groan so as not to draw more suspicion. “Sadly, the discussion has ended.” He had already known where he stood, but his emotions were attempting to sway him. It was killing him to see Louisa hurt, and he felt responsible. So much of him wanted to rush to her and fix everything. He took in his friends, who clearly wanted to do the same for him. All he could offer was a brief smile. “You all did very well at keeping Mr. Davies and his sister occupied, and I commend your actions. Miss Cox no doubt appreciates the short reprieve you granted her.” He retreated from the group and went to the great oak, where he retrieved his jacket.
He was in no mood to explain to his jury of friends that he would retract his feelings on marriage if he could find a loophole in his own case. He’d spent most of his time with Louisa convincing her that he did not want her, and now he couldn’t convince himself. He set his hat on his head, despising the uneasiness in his gut. If only wanting someone was enough. Marriage, on the other hand... He shivered. It was a word that did not agree with him. He had barely begun to enjoy a woman’s touch, but marriage was about far more than physical intimacy, and there were too many other fears paralyzing him from changing course.
