Page 52 of Bargaining for the Barrister
She started walking toward the trees, leaving him behind for a change. When he caught up, she said, “For the record, I’ve already answered your question to some degree. It’s not my fault you are better at deciphering the law than a woman’s words.”
He eyed her. “Your tongue is a bit sharp this afternoon, Louisa. Not at all like you.” When she didn’t take his bait, he said, “Very well, I propose a compromise. If I can get Mr. Davies and his sister to leave you alone forever, will you explain in very simple terms to me why my answer earlier upset you so?”
“A tall order for yourself, but Lady Kellen said she would ask them to leave herself after the week’s end.”
“What if I said I could get him to leave sooner?”
A tempting offer, albeit impossible. She gave him a look of disbelief. “Why would you concern yourself?”
He chewed on his lower lip, trying to formulate a response. “I did not think we could be friends after everything that happened.” He paused, his gaze dropping to her mouth. Heat rose to her cheeks at the mention of the intimate moment they’d shared. “But”—he cleared his throat, and his gaze shifted to the trees before he continued—“I believe I can do this for you. It is obvious Mr. Davies’s attentions bother you, and I’ve been suspicious of him since the beginning.”
“I had thought I’d escaped his and Mr. Turner’s attention by coming here, but...” She brushed her fingers over her forehead and down the side of her face and shrugged.
“But then they were invited here without your knowledge. I can see why you’d be most upset.”
He couldn’t possibly understand. She wasn’t attempting to escape an uncomfortable situation but a desperate one. He’d still be free when he married, but a woman’s whole existence depended on what sort of man she married. Mr. Davies would have her money and then have no use for her. She released a heavy sigh. She had thought to avoid a fortune hunter for a husband and should be grateful that Paul did not want her.
“I tried to give Lady Kellen the benefit of the doubt, but this...” She put out her hands to suggest everything, including him, were the problem. “This says otherwise. I wanted a chance for a fair match, not a contrived one.”
“A fair match? Why not set your sights a little higher and seek a love match? Aren’t those all the rage amongst the young ladies of the ton? The old biddies want titles and money, and the young women want passion.”
She gave him a look of disgust. “Don’t lump me in with either group, if you please.”
He pushed his jacket back, his hand landing on his hip. “I’m glad to know you were pursuing me with less feeling and more a calculated formula. It makes me far happier with my decision to remain a bachelor.”
If he wanted her to confess the opposite after how hurtful Saturday night had been, he was in for a disappointment. Even seeing his temper flare at all made her uneasy and defensive.
They reached the trees, and she pushed past them. She looked back at him long enough to say, “No formula and no real pursuit,” then pushed forward. She should have stayed in the trees. The scorching sun was getting to her, but she continued. “It was simply an arranged meeting with nothing more than a chance—a hope—for more.” The emotion in her voice betrayed her. Her fingernails pierced the insides of her palms as she pleaded with herself to hold the rest of it in. “At least, that’s what they told me,” she added.
A hand on her arm pulled her to a stop. She looked at it, surprised to be the recipient of his rarely proffered touch. He glanced at his hand too and abruptly released her. “Louisa, please. I recognize that Lady Kellen and my mother went too far, but isn’t this a blessing? I am not in a position to marry, and you will be free to find someone who is.”
He could say it so easily since he could not imagine her to possess any emotional ties to him. If only that were the case. It was too late to walk away from Brookeside—from Paul—without her insides twisting with regret.
He sighed. “Don’t be angry with them. I have no doubt they never intended to hurt either of us. I think my mother might like you more than she does me.”
Louisa pushed through her discouragement and humored him with a slight smile so he would leave it be. It hurt to hear him speak so casually of something so real to her. All he cared about was whether she could forgive the matrons of the community.
The intentness of his stare told her he saw through her pathetic attempt of a smile. “I’m all sincerity,” he said. “I can vouch for Lady Kellen. She is a good person who is forever trying to help others. A woman with her status does not have to spend her time trying to find love matches for the neighborhood, and yet her attempts to bring happiness to young people is a worthy goal.”
Louisa began walking again, making her way up a berm that was more dirt and rock than grass. She wanted to believe what he had said about Lady Kellen, but there was one thing he did not know about her that the matchmaking mamas did. If he suddenly decided to marry her, she’d know it was because of the money and would have to walk away. She couldn’t trust a future based on the unfaithful, volatile ideal of wealth.
Once at the top of the small rise, she saw the pond in all its country glory. Trees dotted the perimeter, providing the perfect shade for picnics and fishing. It was even lovelier than the lower pond. Paul stepped next to her as they walked more slowly toward the shade.
She looked at him. “Don’t worry. I likely forgive too easily. I will try not to stay angry with them for long.”
“Why am I not surprised about this?” Paul’s gaze penetrated her defenses, leaving her in a vulnerable state with her feelings exposed. “The world needs more people like you, Louisa.”
“What an idea.” She was weak-minded and easily duped, and her goals were fading faster than the daylight.
“If more people could have the strength you possess after experiencing tragedy, there would be less bitterness and hatred tearing people apart. The world does need more people like you,” he insisted.
She shook her head. Why need more of her when he didn’t want one of her? “The world will always need more of this or that, but I believe we generally have exactly what we require already. Our inability to realize it is wherein lies the problem.” She’d meant it for him, but the statement caused her a misstep. Her hypocrisy was plain as the dirt she’d stumbled on. She hadn’t been satisfied with what she had possessed in Manchester. Wanting a man to solve her problems seemed ridiculous now. She quickly corrected her footing and gave him a sheepish smile. “One clumsy Louisa will have to suffice. I thank you for this walk and for this peaceful view, but I should like to return to the others.”
He gave her a pensive look. “Certainly.”
Let what happens happen. Even when it doesn’t happen.
Have faith. She gritted her teeth. But for how long?
